Haiku

I'm doing this vela post though i have better things to blog about, just because irritating adi is fun.

Here's some haiku on him (yes, i used a syllable counter).

I hate Aditya
Why does he like me so much??
He looks horrible

I love it. Its a masterpiece.

next:

Snow is nice panda
save pandas from predators
and from Aditya


And ya, whats the point of haiku anyways??
It doesn't rhyme, you have to count the stupid syllables and it sounds horrible.
Why did anyone invent it???
*sheesh*

Dumb things I thought and did when i was a kid

All of us,thought and did stupid things when we were kids. Here's a list of mine. No criticism allowed.


#1 I believed that Indians got indipendence by beating the crap otta the British and killin' 'em all. No idea where i got the idea from- But i freaked out one day, when i discovered that Brits lived in England. I concluded that other Indians didin't know about it, cause if they did, they'd have killed the rest of the Brits too. Ad yeah, i DID want them to.


#2 I got into a hbit of asking my mom everyday, "dopahar ho rahi hai kya???/ is it afternoon????" I simply couldn't understand what timeof the day was "dopahar"/ afternoon.
Morning was the time you woke up. Evening was when the sun went down. Night was when you slept.
When the hell was afternoon?!?!?!


#3 A lot of planes pass over my house during th night. When we first shifted here, i thought that they were sounds made by dinosaurs who lived in the nearby park.


#4 I also believed for a long time that it became day and night because somebody changed the scene aroundour house, just like they do in plays.


#5 I thought the moon followed me.


#6 I was once very fascinated by how sometimes, it became sunny and shady abruptly. I didn't understand that it was just because clouds passed in front of the sun.
I once asked a senior in school (she was in 5th, i was in 3rd). She smiled and shook her head importantly, "tumhe badi classes mein pata chalega!!"


#7 I tried to smuggle a stray puppy into the house.
My parents (duh) found out (duh) and sent it back (duh).


#8 I thought my brother was an ass. I was wrong. My brother is brainless. Asses have brain (I mean the donkey vala ass, you pervert!!!)

Something cute and deep

"Real isn't how you're made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like beng wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real,most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things won't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

~from THE VELVETEEN RABBIT by Margery Williams

Stupid Things Said

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter


"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon


We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca


A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn


We understand the importance of having bondage between parents and their children. Dan Quayle


"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg


"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields


"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."


As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert


"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman costume warning label


"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown


"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush


"I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine


"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister


"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst


"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel


"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor


If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

Devil's Dictionary- B

Here's the second part of my favourites from Devil's Dictionary-


Bacchus- a convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. (guys? remember this one from last year?)

Backbite- to speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

Battle- a method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that wouldn't yield to the tongue.

Beauty- a power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Befriend- to make an ingrate.

Behavior- conduct, as determined not by principle, but by breeding.

Bigot- one who 's obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you don't entertain.

Birth- the first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it, there appears to be no uniformity.
Castor and Pollox (whoever they were) were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea as once a block of stone. Leucumedun was the son of a cavern in Mount Aena, and i myself have seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

Body-snatcher- a robber of grave worms. One who supplies the young physician with that with which the old physician supplies the undertaker. The hyena.

Bore- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Bottle nosed- having a nose created in the image of its maker.

Brandy- a cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified satan.

Bride- a woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Brute- see HUSBAND.

Devil's Dictionary- A

I read a book called The Devil's Dictionary. Its one of the very-amusingly-saying-the-truth books. These are my favourites from 'A'. The rest will soon follow-

Abnormal- not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Aborigines- persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber;
they fertilize.

Abrupt- sudden, without ceremony. Like the arrival of the cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it.

Absurdity- a statement or a belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own belief.

Accuse- to affirm anothers guilt or unworth, most commonly as a justification of ourselves having wronged him.

Acquaintance- a person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight gen object is poor or obscure but intimate when object is rich or famous.

Adder- a species of snake. So called for its habit of adding funeral outlays to other expenses of living.

Admiration- our polite recognition of anothers resemblance to ourselves.

Affliction- an acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

African- a nigger who votes our way.

Ambidextrous- able to pick with equal skill, a right hand or a left hand pocket.

Ambition- an overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Apologize- to lay the foundation for a future offence.

Auctioneer- the man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.