Adi is an ass

Yellow.
Here's a sms convo btw me n adi that took place this morning. I put it up cause it so damn funny....

10:40 adi- i am I'm exempted! Woohoo!

10:54 me- Relax. I already know that. Quite flaunting. Go drown yourself. And take ur phone with u or delete my pics.

10:56 a- Oh ya. Your pics. I forgot all about them. I'm gonna post them all over facebook by evening.

10:57 me- You're doing nothing of the kind. I know you're obsessed with me, but yeh to had ho gayi...

10:58 a- watch me

10:59 me- Won't. ur too bhayanak. I'll have nightmares tonight.

11:00 a- ok then. You can always see your pics.

11:02 me- Oh, i know i'm looking cute in them...

11:02 a- yea. Like my dog.

11:03 me- your dog looks like you, not me.

11:08 a-You've never seen my dog. If i didn't know better i'd say he was your twin. Same intelligence level too. All he does is fetch.

11:10 me-I haven't seen ur dog, but i've seen u. u look a lot like a dog. And i've heard ppl say that ur dog is more intelligent than u, and it taught u to fetch.

11:12 a-Yea. And i don't have a dog. So go clean out those centuries of wax. Half wit.

11:12 me- the NHS regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to the nearest hospital to be put down. We apologize for any inconvenience.

11:15 me- yeah. And you can't even fetch. You're too dumb to be able to do even that.

11:17 a- Now that i come to think about it, my neighbour has a pug that looks exactly like you. Are you sure it's not your sibling or something? I mean, it would fit right in. No one would ever make out the difference. Ever.

11:18 me- i heard he's your son.

11:19 a- oh no. I don't believe in polygamy. He's really your sibling.

11:22 me- Don't try and disown that poor little son of yours!!
*horror* aaj kal ke ma-baap, zimmedari lete hi nahi...

11:24 a-I don't much want to adopt your sibling either. He's too much like you. Way ugly.

11:28 me-Come on... Don't say that about your real son. Kitna bhi ugly ho, hai to tumhara beta hi na. Must have got his good looks from you.

11:30 a-He's your sibling. I do NOT have the misfortune of being your father.

11:33 me-But you are fortunate to have a beautiful son like him who has the misfortune of resembling you. He needs you. Don't deny him.

11:35 a-No. He needs you. So he'l know he's not the ugliest person in the world. Then he has something to be grateful for.

11:38 me-Yup. He needs me to get his ugly father to accept him, and show him where he got his pretty face 4m, so he can sigh with relief-"atleast i'm not as bad as dad"

11:39 a- he's your sibling. I'm not your father 1+1=2

11:43 me-He's not my sibling. You're his father. 2+2=4

11:44 a-I'm sorry to break it to you, but he is your shaking. The resemblance is uncanny.

11:45 me-He is your shaking??? Go to hell. I'm not replying anymore.

11:46 a-Lol. Sibling. Haha. My ribs hurt from laughing so hard.

11:53 me-Dis is a telephone terrorst team.Wyl recievng dis mssg a virus wll b activatd. Dis virus shld hv infctd ur phone by now. ur phone wll b disabld,unlss u r ugly.

Haiku

I'm doing this vela post though i have better things to blog about, just because irritating adi is fun.

Here's some haiku on him (yes, i used a syllable counter).

I hate Aditya
Why does he like me so much??
He looks horrible

I love it. Its a masterpiece.

next:

Snow is nice panda
save pandas from predators
and from Aditya


And ya, whats the point of haiku anyways??
It doesn't rhyme, you have to count the stupid syllables and it sounds horrible.
Why did anyone invent it???
*sheesh*

Dumb things I thought and did when i was a kid

All of us,thought and did stupid things when we were kids. Here's a list of mine. No criticism allowed.


#1 I believed that Indians got indipendence by beating the crap otta the British and killin' 'em all. No idea where i got the idea from- But i freaked out one day, when i discovered that Brits lived in England. I concluded that other Indians didin't know about it, cause if they did, they'd have killed the rest of the Brits too. Ad yeah, i DID want them to.


#2 I got into a hbit of asking my mom everyday, "dopahar ho rahi hai kya???/ is it afternoon????" I simply couldn't understand what timeof the day was "dopahar"/ afternoon.
Morning was the time you woke up. Evening was when the sun went down. Night was when you slept.
When the hell was afternoon?!?!?!


#3 A lot of planes pass over my house during th night. When we first shifted here, i thought that they were sounds made by dinosaurs who lived in the nearby park.


#4 I also believed for a long time that it became day and night because somebody changed the scene aroundour house, just like they do in plays.


#5 I thought the moon followed me.


#6 I was once very fascinated by how sometimes, it became sunny and shady abruptly. I didn't understand that it was just because clouds passed in front of the sun.
I once asked a senior in school (she was in 5th, i was in 3rd). She smiled and shook her head importantly, "tumhe badi classes mein pata chalega!!"


#7 I tried to smuggle a stray puppy into the house.
My parents (duh) found out (duh) and sent it back (duh).


#8 I thought my brother was an ass. I was wrong. My brother is brainless. Asses have brain (I mean the donkey vala ass, you pervert!!!)

Stupid Things Said

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an IRS letter


"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon


We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca


A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn


We understand the importance of having bondage between parents and their children. Dan Quayle


"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg


"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." -Brooke Shields


"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."


As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert


"We apologize for the error in last week's paper
in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper


"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman costume warning label


"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown


"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush


"I was provided with addtional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony


"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine


"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister


"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst


"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel


"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign


"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor


If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.

ALL PRAISE THE IDIOTS!!!

Announcing the enterprising demises of the 2007 Darwin Award Winners

" Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it. "
This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. THREE independent groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a barn, a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In all cases, the structures collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh! This year brought us 16 jaw-droppping nominees, not counting new nominees for previous years and Near Misses (AKA Honorable Mentions) which I will cover in the next ish.
Enjoy the stories of the winners... and be glad you're not one!

RUNNER UP # FIVE:THE LAPTOP STILL WORKS (Confirmed True by Darwin)
"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.
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RUNNER UP # FOUR:SUPERIOR MOMENTUM (Confirmed True by Darwin)
June 2007, Illinois Two Valparaiso men tested their reflexes by playing "chicken" with a train. Which man could stay on the rail the longest in the path of an oncoming train? At the stroke of midnight, the contest was decided. The winner, aptly named Patrick Stiff, lost his life. The train continued on, as the conductor was unaware that it had hit anyone.
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RUNNER UP # THREE:BARN DEMOLITION (Unconfirmed by Darwin)
January 2007, West Virginia) Three friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated barn one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious man fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden support beams were all that stood between the demolition worker and structural collapse. It was all fun and games until the roof, sans support, succumbed to the pull of gravity and flattened the man with the chainsaw. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.
(Darwin notes, this story is unconfirmed, but no disputes have come to my attention, as usually happens with bogus stories.)

Addendum: This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. Two other groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In both cases, the structure collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh!

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RUNNER UP # TWO:MOLE HUNT (Confirmed True by Darwin)
January 2007, East Germany One man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a victory for the mole. The metal rods he pounded into the ground and connected to a high-voltage power line, electrified the very ground the man stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

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RUNNER UP # ONE:WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN (Confirmed Double Darwin Award)
June 2007, South Carolina A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old deceased couple laying naked in the road an hour before sunrise. Authorities were baffled. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked vehicles present. But investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. McCants said.

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AND THE 2007 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS...THE ENEMA WITHIN (Confirmed True by Darwin)
May 2004, Texas Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party.
Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!
When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.
The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.
In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Check out the site at: http://www.darwinawards.com/