Devil's Dictionary- A

I read a book called The Devil's Dictionary. Its one of the very-amusingly-saying-the-truth books. These are my favourites from 'A'. The rest will soon follow-

Abnormal- not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Aborigines- persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber;
they fertilize.

Abrupt- sudden, without ceremony. Like the arrival of the cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it.

Absurdity- a statement or a belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own belief.

Accuse- to affirm anothers guilt or unworth, most commonly as a justification of ourselves having wronged him.

Acquaintance- a person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight gen object is poor or obscure but intimate when object is rich or famous.

Adder- a species of snake. So called for its habit of adding funeral outlays to other expenses of living.

Admiration- our polite recognition of anothers resemblance to ourselves.

Affliction- an acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

African- a nigger who votes our way.

Ambidextrous- able to pick with equal skill, a right hand or a left hand pocket.

Ambition- an overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Apologize- to lay the foundation for a future offence.

Auctioneer- the man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

The Slaves Of The Cells

Cell phones and their owners are hard to seperate. Like me and my cell.
I was actually suprised when i realised how much i depend on it.
I make calls with it.... And sms too, of course....
I listen to songs on it.
I use it to make quick notes and write down imp stuff, when i don't have a pen, and even when i do....
I take pics with it...
I blog with it...
I google with it...
I check my mail on it...
I surf the web on it (this happens more rarely than the 3 things above, which cannot b included in 'surfing the web' according to me)
I download and read e-books on it...
I play games on it...

Its like the ultimate handy dream machine. And things are going to just get better.
Ppl are getting very dependent on their cells.
And yeah... I almost forgot to mention what inspired me to write this post...
Even my maid has a cell now. I was in my room, when i heard a strange ringtone which certainly wasn't mine and i was wondering what was up... and then i heard my maid going 'hello, haan? Chinto theek hai na?'

The Future etc.

Do u want to know your future?
I don't. And i find those people dumb who want to.
Earlier, when I was a kid, I did wish I could've known the future to prevent mistakes and probs from arising later in life.
Now, I've lost that wish. I think I was dumb to wish that.
Its pathetic. I think the future is governed by your actions now. So if you think before you act, your future will be great.
And even if we suppose that the future is already decided and our life depends on fate, I really don't want to know. It'd take all the fun out of life, to know what will happen.
And for that reason, I even hate all those rashi / number / tare / tarot future-telling shows on the news channels. They don't have any news, so all of them have hired a pundit/tarot lady each to tell ur future 5 times a day.
And people actually watch that.
And even call in.
"Meri shadi kab hogi?" Man, find some other aim in life than to get married or to call pundit ji.
"Mera promotion kab hoga?" When you start working hard rather than calling in like a vela on this show.

Idiots.

Then these ppl even give upayes to get a better future, like,
"raat ko, suraj dhalne ke baad, neem ke ped ke neeche beth kar Gita pado" (wtf???)
or "ketu ko majbut karne ke liye kutte ko shanivar ke din roti aur mithai khilaen"

You can try the above amazing remedies if you want.

Hey Shadab Bhai,
Happy B'day in advance. I suppose everything is fine with u, but u better study hard(er).
I'm in 11th now. Classes started last week. I took science, with bio. Damn, its been a long time since I even talked to u. The boards went well and the results will be out on 27 may. I didn't do a lot, actually, I didn't do anything in the holidays after the boards... I just sat around and watched movies. And yeah, I finally convinced mum n dad to get the DVD player. We got it a few days after the boards.

Everything is k, except that I'm in a class full of NERDS. They study ALL THE TIME. Before the teacher comes, and after the teacher goes, they study all the time. They're crazy. Thankfully, we'll b reshuffled in july.
Also, I'll b coming on TV. I n sam participated in this show for NDTV metronation. You basically were given a topic, camera and 2 days to make a vid. Our topic was Yamuna. Pretty horrible topic, but filming the whole thing was fun.
We even used their cam to make vela vids of us, pretending to b reporters reporting how the country was being terrorized by ppl (most prob. Taliban) who were stealing "bain-per ke jute" (shoes of the right foot)... K, I kno its dumb, but it was very funny too. I'm going to ask those ppl to give us the whole vid, even the things that were edited out (like the taliban vid) on a CD.

So, tell me whats up with u? Tell me abt ur plans for ur b'day too.
And yes, STUDY. I kno u sleep a lot and sleep late. Try studying.

E-mail me quick.

Chao
A, ur sis (duh!)