My Class Teacher

My CT is driving me insane. I frankly could have cared less about her, but she has a certain charm that says 'listen to every crappy word !I¡ say you moron or !I¡ will punch the air out of your alveoli !!!'

I can actually list the things about her that put me off-


Thing that puts me off number 1- she lacks any voice modulation skills. She starts off in a soft enough tone and ends up literally barking the notes at you. It really makes me cringe. Its as if she is shouting the lesson angrily at us. I hate ppl yelling. It makes my tummy churn in an unpleasant way.
Eg- 1.1 "write- Kleinfelters syndrome. It is caused due to... *cringe* PRESENCE OF AN ADDITIONAL COPY OF *cringe* *cringe* !X-CHROMOSOME!!!¡ such an individual can suffer from... *cringe* GYNAECOMASTIA!!! - Development of *cringe* BREASTS!!! *cringing hyperdrive*"


Thing that puts me off number 2- her life revolves around the word 'I' and 'me' and 'my'.
2.1 She'll tell you stories about her and her greatness and her power and her stature and her daughters and her life without anyone asking.
Eg 2.1.1- MY daughters are so amazing. MY second daughter is more dedicated than MY first. She studied for medical herself without MY help and got in HERSELF!
2.1.2 YOU don't know what life is. You HAVE to do your job no matter what. Like ME. !I! remember when !I! was pregnant with MY second daughter, !I! went to school EVERYDAY and taught till the very last day. That day, !I! came to school and then went back home and delivered MY daughter that night."

2.2 She will tell you exactly how knowledgable and worship-worthy she is.
Eg 2.2.1 "What? He's in the clinic? Yeah, yeah, !I¡ knew that. !I¡ know everything. MUJHE sab pata hai!!! MUJHE 25 yrs ka experience hai!"
Eg 2.2.1 "Huh? Which chromosome mutation causes leukemia? Oh ya. !I¡ know. MUJHE pata hai. MY brother had leukemia. MAINE dekha hai vo chromosome!!!"


Thing that puts me off number 3- she craps a lot about HER 25yrs of experience, mentioning how knowledgable and great she is whenever she can. She also keeps quoting from her 10yr old withering out of date ncert very proudly, probably cause she'd learnt it off heart. She's the bio HOD, but she still doesn't know the 3yr old syllabi well enough and has to literally read out the text book to us as notes.
Eg 3.1 She draws the diagram to show how chromosomes seperate- "hain? Oh, i drew this diagram from the old ncert. That was one excellent BOOK! Oh, it has one step less than the new book. Wait, *scribbles* here, you can draw this step too if you want...... In the exam, YOU have to draw this step. It is important. MUJHE pata hai. MAINE paper check kare hain for the boards, !I¡ know what they want. DRAW IT!"


Thing that puts me off number 4- Her ability to say crap and get away with it.
Her intro's to repro classes are famous,(she gives intro's due to the princi passing a law that she will not teach repro, probably cause she is perverted. We're taught repro by another teacher.). She is also known to pass a lot of perverted and embarrassing comments. She also knows the art of incorporating perverted-ness everywhere.
Eg 4.1 We're studying about chromosomes of fruit flies. Nothing perverted at all. The CT comments- " They complete their life cycle in 2 weeks and produce a large number of progeny flies. Having kids is very IMPORTANT. If you don't have kids, your marriage will break down. Pyaar-vyaar sab khatam ho jata hai! Kids keep the MARRIAGE TOGETHER! Having kids is a MUST!" er, ok.
Eg 4.2 Intro to repro class by her- "This is not the right time for you to indulge in SEXUAL activity! You are too YOUNG! GIRLS! Keep Boys At BAY!"
Eg 4.3 We study genes. Another innocent topic. "ok. A QUESTION. If the MOTHER has blood group B and the FATHER has O, can the CHILD have AB blood group?" *everyone acts confused* "NO! The child CAN NOT be AB unless he is adopted, or the mother is.... having a chakkar with the NEIGHBOUR!"

Uh, Ok. Thanx for violating my innocent mind.

B.R.A. -Battle Ready Armour

Who the hell said bra's are not of any use except from stopping your breasts from jiggling?

Ok, that might be the case with ordinary bra's but not this woman's!
This 57 yr old woman is still alive because of her Bra.
She had spotted a couple of 16 yr olds breaking into her neighbours place in the morning, and when they saw her, they shot at her.
And Super Duper Under-wired Bra successfully deflected the bullet, thus saving the woman's life! (yup, she was injured, but she didn't atleast die)

The detroit police sgt says that they should get bullet-proof vests made of that wire, and i dunno why, but i find the idea slightly creepy.

Apr 15

I just had another dream.
And it was bad. It wasn't that frightening, but the atmosphere of this one... Was full of dread.
All dreams have a feeling, a major one that is omnipresent. This one had dread.
I'm writing this so that i don't forget what the dream was about or forget to write it and because i want to tell someone, even if, no one may actually read this.
It majorly had-
dread
a spaceship
stones
my class-upasna (goes home), dhobi n gobhi
sam
the dude i hate (to be called D henceforth)
a friend of mine, male (to be called p henceforth)
some lessons
stones+cars
hate
more dread

enough dread to keep me shaking even after i woke up, and going and hugging my mom in my sleep. I dunno what i was frightened of, but i walked extremely slowly and cautiously around the house. I was afraid. Very afraid.
I'll describe the dream when i get back. I gotto take a bath and get ready for school.
If i recover completely, maybe i won't describe the dream at all. :)


a frightening thought- the feelings can leak out of dreams

Recipe- song a la crap

Ways to destroy a song-

requirements-
1 good song by a famous composer. For best effects, select a fresh one, on which the composer has worked hard.
1 composer, who won't complain about the shit his song will endure
2 awards
1 irritating slut group
3 jars of vela news channels
2 sucky campaign managers


STEP 1:
make the song as famous as possible by adding 2 awards to the composer in a bowl. To initiate the process of making the song irritating, add the 3 jars of vela news channels who will play the song as background music for every news possible (cricket match victories,awards,shoke sabhas,a dog's marriage to a tree).
Continue stirring till the public is completely pissed with the song and turns a light red (with anger). Ensure that the public loses all real appreciation for the lyrics and tune and composer.


STEP 2
Hand out the song to a slut group so they can make a remix. Add seductive words and 3 1/2 pounds of raw flesh (comes free with slut group). Garnish with dumb lines till song is repulsive enough to make you puke.
(suggested garnishing- "just keep it burnin, yeah baby, just keep it comin...")


STEP 3
Take 2 sucky campaign managers who have no intelligible ideas. Allow them to remix the song as to promote their parties. This can be done in two ways-
1) by criticising the government through the lyrics (if you were not the government) and blaming them for every calamity, accident, wardrobe malfunction on ramp, your dirty restroom, any disease and/or any other mortal sin.
2) by praising the goverment in the lyrics and flashing weird pictures of your party leaders, flags, supporters, animals and toilet paper rolls in the video. (if you were the government last time)
Then, pay some of the afore mentioned vela news channels to play these videos instead of commercials. Ensure they are popular so that there is maximum destruction.
Suggested garnishing-recession hit public


Congratulations. You just beat the crap of a really good song.

Dreams

Does anyone know how to stop yourself from dreaming?
No, not day-dreaming.... The sleep dreams.
Can you stop them? I'll probably go mad if i can't.

Today i dreamt that my grandma died.
Before that i dreamt of something just as freaky.
The day before i had a dream inside a dream inside a dream. And i was asleep for just 1 1/2 hrs. And the dream wasn't pleasant.
Sometime before that, i dreamt of being convicted for a crime i hadn't done and someone dying. I woke up crying.


Someone make it stop. Please.

P.S. I've decided to keep a dream diary from now on and record my dreams before i forget them and also how frequently i dream.
If i sleep less than i do now, will it stop? I sleep 5 hrs nowadays.