Devil's Dictionary- B

Here's the second part of my favourites from Devil's Dictionary-


Bacchus- a convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. (guys? remember this one from last year?)

Backbite- to speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

Battle- a method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that wouldn't yield to the tongue.

Beauty- a power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Befriend- to make an ingrate.

Behavior- conduct, as determined not by principle, but by breeding.

Bigot- one who 's obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you don't entertain.

Birth- the first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it, there appears to be no uniformity.
Castor and Pollox (whoever they were) were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea as once a block of stone. Leucumedun was the son of a cavern in Mount Aena, and i myself have seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

Body-snatcher- a robber of grave worms. One who supplies the young physician with that with which the old physician supplies the undertaker. The hyena.

Bore- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Bottle nosed- having a nose created in the image of its maker.

Brandy- a cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified satan.

Bride- a woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Brute- see HUSBAND.

Devil's Dictionary- A

I read a book called The Devil's Dictionary. Its one of the very-amusingly-saying-the-truth books. These are my favourites from 'A'. The rest will soon follow-

Abnormal- not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Aborigines- persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber;
they fertilize.

Abrupt- sudden, without ceremony. Like the arrival of the cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it.

Absurdity- a statement or a belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own belief.

Accuse- to affirm anothers guilt or unworth, most commonly as a justification of ourselves having wronged him.

Acquaintance- a person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight gen object is poor or obscure but intimate when object is rich or famous.

Adder- a species of snake. So called for its habit of adding funeral outlays to other expenses of living.

Admiration- our polite recognition of anothers resemblance to ourselves.

Affliction- an acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

African- a nigger who votes our way.

Ambidextrous- able to pick with equal skill, a right hand or a left hand pocket.

Ambition- an overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Apologize- to lay the foundation for a future offence.

Auctioneer- the man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.