Drown- part iii

I woke next morning to the sound of banging. Startled, i looked around.
He was gone.
I realised that the ship had stopped moving because the to-and-fro motion that i'd gotten used to in the past 24 hrs had stopped.
Someone pounded on the door again.
God help me. We'd been discovered. No. He'd lose his job. His chance. All cause of me. He'd be in trouble. No, i won't let it happen. I won't blame him.
I clutched my blanket to my chest and pushed myself into a corner as i waited for the person to enter. I blinked against the dazzling light as the door swung open and banged into the wall next to it, making me.
A figure of a man stepped in. Then he jumped back, suprised. "who are you? What are you doing here?"
"I..." i gulped. "i am trying to get to Puerto." He looked bewildered. I continued, "Please, i want a new beginning... in a new land... I want to start over again. Please let me travel with you... I just wanted to go somewhere far from here..."
i stopped when the man started laughing. "This ship aint going nowhere, miss. This is the Sheldon ferry." My jaw fell slack. "We just ship stuff across the banks. We aren't going to any 'far off lands'. Sorry." he tried to hide his grin.
My mind when numb. I didn't want to think.
I clutched the blanket tighter around me and stepped into the brilliant light outside. I was right. We were back at the port- the same place where i started.
I felt nauseated.
I wanted to throw up.
I walked on.
Something told me that i wouldn't see him again, but i tried not to think about it as i stumbled off the ship.
I walked slowly, with measured steps, as the tears fell in a continuous stream across my cheeks.
I tasted their saltiness when i licked my lips.

I thought i had nothing to lose.
I guess i was wrong.

This time i jumped into the sparkling water without hesitation.


THE END


YAY! My 107th post! And boo to anyone who actually thought i'd write cheesy horrible cliched love stories, which honestly make me want to puke. Life isn't perfect. Prince charming won't pop out from behind the boxes at your time of need to rescue you. Deal with it. P.S. Don't get raped either.

Drown- part ii

He sneaked me onto the ship that night. He got me food, water and a blanket and i stumbled after him in the dark as he led me to the ship. It was pitch black, i could hardly see even the ship. He took me to a tiny room, which was almost bare, save a few boxes. There was a little bulb on one wall, but there were no windows. Maybe it was a store room. I didn't ask. I was far too grateful.
He smiled at me before he left, locking the door from the outside, so as to not arouse suspicion-he said.

I felt the boat move a few hours later, i tried to sleep, but spent most of the time thinking instead.
I wondered what would have happened if he hadn't chanced upon me tonight. I would have probably been floating in the sea, bloated up like a balloon.
He saved me.
He was my saviour.
This could be out of some movie. I wondered why he'd stopped. He could have gone on, ignoring the girl with a wild look in her eye and the dirty white cotton dress.
Did he do it because he was kind or because he saw something else in me? Was it fate that we met? Were we destined to meet? Would we have a happy ending like in movies?
Maybe i would fall in love with him.
Maybe i was already in love.
I smiled as i thought about him. His kindly eyes, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. For me. Is it possible that anyone can worry about me?
And he also gave me a chance when no one else did. Maybe i was worth the chance.
I was deeply grateful to him. I clutched the worn blanket to my chest as the ship swayed a bit. I wish i could say him back somehow.

****************************

I love him, i decided later, as i nibbled at a piece of bread.
I love him, but am i worthy of being loved by someone so amazing? Could he love me?
Yes, maybe he could. Maybe it was destiny. Maybe we were soul mates. Maybe we'd get married and live together in Puerto. We'd have 2 kids- a boy and a girl. We'd be hopelessly in love. We'd grow old together and smile at the memory of me, who once, in a white cotton dress was going to jump off a bridge. We'd smile at his courageously sneaking me onto- which ship is this? Onto this ship to Puerto. We'd live together happily.
Forever.

**************************

He came again that night. He got a quilt and some more food with him. He grinned at me as we shared the food under the dim light of the bulb. His grey eyes seemed to sparkle.
After we ate, we set up the quilt on the floor and then lay on it, flat on our backs, looking up at the ceiling. Our arms were almost touching.
I smiled.

"We'll get there in 8 days time." he said, "try and not make a lot of noise... I'm sorry i couldn't make good enough arrangements for you..."
"No, no... Its more than enough. I just want to tell you how grateful i am to you..." i turned my head to look at him "Thank you..." i whispered.
He slowly turned his head to look at me too. My heart skipped a beat. Our faces were so close, i could feel his breath on my face.
I closed the distance.
I kissed him.
And he kissed back.

As he slid the cotton dress off, all i could think of was how maybe we all DID live in fairy tales with happy endings, and how maybe, just maybe, i'd found mine...

I think I saw blood

Pushpanjali died.
On 27th, wednesday.
Some time between 3:30- 4:30
I found out about the matter in the bus after coaching. Megh said it might be murder, which caused me to laugh. The general news was that a girl cut the grill of the room window and jumped. No one knew who it was, but everyone was guessing. I found out her name when prachi called me to talk about the matter. She heard about the matter on tv. I went to watch tv too and find out more when harshit called. He was the one who confirmed that she had jumped from the bathroom window after authog the grill (the news channels had been confusing me by making up stories of her falling of balconies). He also told me that she was in C. I was really happy that i didn't know her as i knew i'd be depressed if i did.
No one had a clue why she suicided. She got almost full marks in all subjects. She was damn intelligent. Apparently, she was stressed.
The whole atmosphere was tense in school the next day. There was an assembly for her. People who didn't know her came and said that she was a beautiful child (that was divya)
All the head boys and head girls and a couple of more appointees, and the reps, the warden, the CT and the vice princi's were forced to say something about her. Almost all ended their speech (2 liners) with 'may her soul rest in peace'. The line got on my nerves after the first 100 times.
Ppl from C cried that day. Ppl in my class who knew her (quite a few, as 90% of my class are hostelers), were depressed. I was in a bit of a sucky mood too. I found it hard to maintain my usual happy 4 no reason mood.

And of course, the matter about me and sam maybe having seen blood didn't exactly improve my mood.
On wed, after coaching, i and sam went to get ice cream from the OAT vala area. There we saw that the ice cream shop was closed, so we loitered around there only. Then, i saw this puddle of something red. It was dry and shiny, like the paint on metals. I thought it was paint, and went 'ooo, dekho, dekho, khoon!'
and sam was like, 'haan, lagta hai koi mar gaya...'
and we generally crapped around.
On thursday, when we went to that area again, there was no sign of the puddle having existed.
Creepy.

Boards Shoards

Boards are coming,yeah, Boards are coming,yeah. And you know what? Surprisingly enough, I'm not tense at all, while SOME people are crying and banging their heads with tension.
I dunno why I'm not worried. Lots of people stay up till 3 am and them wake up at 7, to study again. I can't do that, ever! I hate compromising with sleep and I don't ever before an exam, as in, quickly go through the main points and every thing. I've found that it actually confuses me more than anything. I take extra care to sleep on time the night before an exam, and The Hindustan Times agrees with me. Quoting them, darlings -

"Inadequate rest impairs growth and learning and school students need seven to eight hours of sleep a day. Sacrificing sleep time studying is wasted as what is read is not retained. It's only when the brain is well rested that you can retain better."

I also remember reading an article ages ago about an experiment. Here, people were to remember simple patterns of placing cups or something. Like, the blue one comes first, red second, etc. The people who'd slept well remembered the pattern most correctly while the second group,who'd not slept, made more mistakes. It seems that the brain adjusts and arranges info acquired while we're asleep.
After reading that article, I'd made it a point to study facts or things that I found very confusing, in the night, before I went to sleep. Maybe its my imagination, but I those facts correctly now, without any confusion.
Good for me that I'm not worried. My friend's friend says that someone in her school hanged herself. She was a tenthie and an idiot. How can you suicide for marks?
I don't get it. Life's AMAZING. How can you give it up for marks? OK, it may not be amazing to her, but that means that she should try to make it better, not die!
Yeah, maybe it's about aiming. My aim is to study, while enjoying at times too. She probably aimed for more than she could manage, thus overloading.
No one can stand failure, thus the stupid act to ignore your 'failure'. Its all in the mind.
Why take tension? I think its very idiotic. Though it can fuel your will to work harder, too much is er.... not good.

The suicidal tendencies of a hollow-horned, ruminant, quadruped mammal.

We'd once gone to my dad's friend's house, and that's when uncle told up about this goat he'd got for bakra-id. He'd got a nice, white goat, and decided to keep it on the terrace. The goat was well-fed, happy, and full of goatly-goodness.
On id, when uncle went to fetch the goat, he couldn't find it! They found a while later lying atop a car parked on the ground floor. The goat had apparently jumped to its death.
My dad says- Stupid animal... How much did it cost?
Bro says- maybe it decided to suicide and become shaheed, rather than surrender to the butcher.
Me- hahahahaha...
Such was the story of the real shaheed bakri (remember that chapter?).