Drown- part iii

I woke next morning to the sound of banging. Startled, i looked around.
He was gone.
I realised that the ship had stopped moving because the to-and-fro motion that i'd gotten used to in the past 24 hrs had stopped.
Someone pounded on the door again.
God help me. We'd been discovered. No. He'd lose his job. His chance. All cause of me. He'd be in trouble. No, i won't let it happen. I won't blame him.
I clutched my blanket to my chest and pushed myself into a corner as i waited for the person to enter. I blinked against the dazzling light as the door swung open and banged into the wall next to it, making me.
A figure of a man stepped in. Then he jumped back, suprised. "who are you? What are you doing here?"
"I..." i gulped. "i am trying to get to Puerto." He looked bewildered. I continued, "Please, i want a new beginning... in a new land... I want to start over again. Please let me travel with you... I just wanted to go somewhere far from here..."
i stopped when the man started laughing. "This ship aint going nowhere, miss. This is the Sheldon ferry." My jaw fell slack. "We just ship stuff across the banks. We aren't going to any 'far off lands'. Sorry." he tried to hide his grin.
My mind when numb. I didn't want to think.
I clutched the blanket tighter around me and stepped into the brilliant light outside. I was right. We were back at the port- the same place where i started.
I felt nauseated.
I wanted to throw up.
I walked on.
Something told me that i wouldn't see him again, but i tried not to think about it as i stumbled off the ship.
I walked slowly, with measured steps, as the tears fell in a continuous stream across my cheeks.
I tasted their saltiness when i licked my lips.

I thought i had nothing to lose.
I guess i was wrong.

This time i jumped into the sparkling water without hesitation.


THE END


YAY! My 107th post! And boo to anyone who actually thought i'd write cheesy horrible cliched love stories, which honestly make me want to puke. Life isn't perfect. Prince charming won't pop out from behind the boxes at your time of need to rescue you. Deal with it. P.S. Don't get raped either.

Drown- part ii

He sneaked me onto the ship that night. He got me food, water and a blanket and i stumbled after him in the dark as he led me to the ship. It was pitch black, i could hardly see even the ship. He took me to a tiny room, which was almost bare, save a few boxes. There was a little bulb on one wall, but there were no windows. Maybe it was a store room. I didn't ask. I was far too grateful.
He smiled at me before he left, locking the door from the outside, so as to not arouse suspicion-he said.

I felt the boat move a few hours later, i tried to sleep, but spent most of the time thinking instead.
I wondered what would have happened if he hadn't chanced upon me tonight. I would have probably been floating in the sea, bloated up like a balloon.
He saved me.
He was my saviour.
This could be out of some movie. I wondered why he'd stopped. He could have gone on, ignoring the girl with a wild look in her eye and the dirty white cotton dress.
Did he do it because he was kind or because he saw something else in me? Was it fate that we met? Were we destined to meet? Would we have a happy ending like in movies?
Maybe i would fall in love with him.
Maybe i was already in love.
I smiled as i thought about him. His kindly eyes, his eyebrows furrowed with worry. For me. Is it possible that anyone can worry about me?
And he also gave me a chance when no one else did. Maybe i was worth the chance.
I was deeply grateful to him. I clutched the worn blanket to my chest as the ship swayed a bit. I wish i could say him back somehow.

****************************

I love him, i decided later, as i nibbled at a piece of bread.
I love him, but am i worthy of being loved by someone so amazing? Could he love me?
Yes, maybe he could. Maybe it was destiny. Maybe we were soul mates. Maybe we'd get married and live together in Puerto. We'd have 2 kids- a boy and a girl. We'd be hopelessly in love. We'd grow old together and smile at the memory of me, who once, in a white cotton dress was going to jump off a bridge. We'd smile at his courageously sneaking me onto- which ship is this? Onto this ship to Puerto. We'd live together happily.
Forever.

**************************

He came again that night. He got a quilt and some more food with him. He grinned at me as we shared the food under the dim light of the bulb. His grey eyes seemed to sparkle.
After we ate, we set up the quilt on the floor and then lay on it, flat on our backs, looking up at the ceiling. Our arms were almost touching.
I smiled.

"We'll get there in 8 days time." he said, "try and not make a lot of noise... I'm sorry i couldn't make good enough arrangements for you..."
"No, no... Its more than enough. I just want to tell you how grateful i am to you..." i turned my head to look at him "Thank you..." i whispered.
He slowly turned his head to look at me too. My heart skipped a beat. Our faces were so close, i could feel his breath on my face.
I closed the distance.
I kissed him.
And he kissed back.

As he slid the cotton dress off, all i could think of was how maybe we all DID live in fairy tales with happy endings, and how maybe, just maybe, i'd found mine...

Drown- part i

The wind was cool. It brushed part me and made my limp hair come to life and dance with it. I pushed it off my face and blinked rapidly to clear the tears blurring my vision.
I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself.

Calm myself.

What a joke. Being calm, standing here, 20 feet above the water. I gripped the railing and stared at the dark black water below me.
Why am i gripping the railing?
I laughed through my tears. I should be letting go, not holding on.
I laughed again,a choked maniacal laugh. I'm talking as if i have a lot to hold onto.
My loose cotton dress whipped around my legs, and i shuffled my feet, as to stand a bit more comfortably on the edge of the outer side of this bridge.
I came here to drown. Not myself. I just wanted to drown the pain stabbing me from the inside. If i had to drown myself too to kill it, then so be it.

But why are you still standing? Jump!
You had made up your mind, hadn't you? Jump now!
I taunted myself as i gave another choked sob.

Jump.

Jump.

Jump.

"Don't jump." i heard someone behind me. It was a man. He had a calm, raspy voice. I liked it.

"why?" i whispered. "why shouldn't i?"
"why should you?"
i laughed hysterically. Suicidal tendencies sure screw up your sense of humour.
"he left me." i took a deep breath, "i left everything for him. My parents. My home. My country. I came here after him." i stared at the liberating water through blurry eyes. "And still he left me. I don't have anything. No money, no job, no home... Nothing. Why should i live?"

He went silent. Did he agree? Don't tell me you agree... Please...

"i also once had nothing." he suddenly spoke. "i was ready to give up too. But then, someone gave me a chance, a man i didnt even know. He gave me a job on his ship. I learnt, i worked, i travelled. I saw and experienced new things. Slowly, i grew back." he paused. "you need to give yourself a chance too."
i blinked back my tears. A chance? I tightened my grip on the railing.
"My ship is leaving for Puerto tomorrow morning, a place far from here. If you are willing to take the chance, i can sneak you onto my ship. You can start over again, in a new country, with a new name. A new beginning."
i turned around carefully, placing my feet carefully on the ledge.
I turned to a young man, about my age, with brown hair and a round face. And grey pools for eyes, slightly similar to the dark water i could fall into if i let go now. But his grey eyes were warm, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. The water was cold and still, with no marks on its perfect surface.

I climbed over to railing to him.

First day of the last summer hols

Yesterday was the last day of school before the hols. It wasn't much of a senti affair as most of my class will be coming to school during the hols anyways cause of coaching, and we'll see each other everyday.
But anyways,we did get into a sort of senti mood on realising that this is the last summer hol of our life. Shucks. Then we started flashbacking on the most memorable things since eleventh.
Since most of my class is of hostellers/ppl who just came in eleventh, it was quite a suprise as to how close we've grown in a few months, since july, actually. Ok, fine, in about a year...Whatever, its quite less as compared to the 5-12 years that we've known other ppl in school.

Yae. Its list time.

List of memorable things about section B (completely random order)

* BuKuSuKu
This is one of the most recent memorable things. The BuKuSuKu group was formed by me, upasna, deepti and nayani. Credit for the name goes to Mr. Punnet, founder of the Punnet's square, which we used to think up the name. We used our initials as gametes and formed a square. One of the columns had Bu Ku Su Ku in it, which we took as our group name. But its f irritating when all the other members yell 'BuKuSuKu' at random intervals to piss me off cause i think its a pathetic name though i do love them all.

* The Obi gang
My name is Subohi. You write it as Subohi, you pronounce it as SU-BO-HI. The exact way you write it. Yet some teachers are partially blind and transform it to shubhi, subah, shobi and even subodh. Once upon a substitution teacher called me shobi, and a certain friend of mine called shreya pandey kept making fun of of throughout the day by calling me so too. I finally got irritated and told her that if i was shobi, she was a gobi (cauliflower in hindi). She shrugged. Thus began the obi gang. Her unseperable twin, shreya de (they're not related in anyway, but we all suspect they were destined to be together cause they both hit off really well on meeting) was sometime later christened as dhobi (washerwoman in hindi), thus making the obi gang complete. Our signature is the two-finger hi-fives (hi-two's?). Later, pankhuri was invited to join the group as aloo(potato)-as gobi and aloo are inseperable, and she, sort of agreed.
But it still makes me wonder as to why our gang is named after the belt of a kimono.

* Aditi and 'Yo-man!'
this is during the initial phases, when we'd just met and jtjn had just been released. We used to recite aditi like a poem, in all the ways possible-rap way, sad way, yelling way, serenading way. And we used to say yo-man all the time. It was like our class symbol. We even drew two fingers and a big 'Yo!' as a flag and put it on the notice board. Yae. Fun.

Note- i'll continue later. I really need to go study kinetics or i'll flop in the next test too. *sob*

Oh ya.

Just realised. This is my 102nd post. Crossed the 100 mark. Cheers. Real celebration on 107th post (i like 7's).

I've decided.

I give up. I can't take it anymore. Enough is enough.

Tree

Its bloom time! I love these flowery trees!
Around a month ago, bloom time started in our colony with the purple trees. I dunno their name, but they're AWESOME! I saw them everyday in the evenings, when i came back from coaching and they absolutely made my day. These delicate looking bunches of purple at the tips of the tree branches....Sort of make your heart full of something....Its so beautiful that you can't stop a smile springing to your face. But the flowers are all gone now.
Now, the red tree is in full bloom. It makes my day too. Its like...Completely red...I see it every morning, its right across the road from my bus stop. Its flowers are starting to fall too now, but its as pretty as ever. It makes me smile, seeing the red branches sway in the (relatively) cool morning wind. But they're going too now.
Now its blooming time for my favourite tree. The yellow tree. Or as i discovered some time ago, the amalthas or the laburnum tree. I'm not particularly fond of yellow, but this tree is an explosion of yellow, dangling down from the seemingly white branches. It just makes you feel so happy, for no reason, and makes me smile, as if everything doesn't suck, and is perfect, and complete... Dunno, i just feel great seeing the tree. And i bless the soul who planted one opposite our building. So i see it everyday. This is the first year its blooming and its short, but its beautiful. While walking by, i couldn't resist breaking of one branch full of flowers. There are quite a few yellow trees in munirka. 2 are just near my bus stop. They're larger, but not as pretty as my yellow tree.
But its weird. They're blooming late this year. I remember seeing them in full bloom in march, on the way to the board exam centre. I'd love seeing them. I sort of thought of them as my lucky charm. There were dozens on the way, and i would gaze happily at them as the cool air from the open car window ruffled my hair. I think they are my lucky charm. But i also don't believe lucky charms work, those stones and taveez things seem far too... Unreliable...
But i've preserved my yellow tree branch in my pradeep subjective just in case.

My Class Teacher

My CT is driving me insane. I frankly could have cared less about her, but she has a certain charm that says 'listen to every crappy word !I¡ say you moron or !I¡ will punch the air out of your alveoli !!!'

I can actually list the things about her that put me off-


Thing that puts me off number 1- she lacks any voice modulation skills. She starts off in a soft enough tone and ends up literally barking the notes at you. It really makes me cringe. Its as if she is shouting the lesson angrily at us. I hate ppl yelling. It makes my tummy churn in an unpleasant way.
Eg- 1.1 "write- Kleinfelters syndrome. It is caused due to... *cringe* PRESENCE OF AN ADDITIONAL COPY OF *cringe* *cringe* !X-CHROMOSOME!!!¡ such an individual can suffer from... *cringe* GYNAECOMASTIA!!! - Development of *cringe* BREASTS!!! *cringing hyperdrive*"


Thing that puts me off number 2- her life revolves around the word 'I' and 'me' and 'my'.
2.1 She'll tell you stories about her and her greatness and her power and her stature and her daughters and her life without anyone asking.
Eg 2.1.1- MY daughters are so amazing. MY second daughter is more dedicated than MY first. She studied for medical herself without MY help and got in HERSELF!
2.1.2 YOU don't know what life is. You HAVE to do your job no matter what. Like ME. !I! remember when !I! was pregnant with MY second daughter, !I! went to school EVERYDAY and taught till the very last day. That day, !I! came to school and then went back home and delivered MY daughter that night."

2.2 She will tell you exactly how knowledgable and worship-worthy she is.
Eg 2.2.1 "What? He's in the clinic? Yeah, yeah, !I¡ knew that. !I¡ know everything. MUJHE sab pata hai!!! MUJHE 25 yrs ka experience hai!"
Eg 2.2.1 "Huh? Which chromosome mutation causes leukemia? Oh ya. !I¡ know. MUJHE pata hai. MY brother had leukemia. MAINE dekha hai vo chromosome!!!"


Thing that puts me off number 3- she craps a lot about HER 25yrs of experience, mentioning how knowledgable and great she is whenever she can. She also keeps quoting from her 10yr old withering out of date ncert very proudly, probably cause she'd learnt it off heart. She's the bio HOD, but she still doesn't know the 3yr old syllabi well enough and has to literally read out the text book to us as notes.
Eg 3.1 She draws the diagram to show how chromosomes seperate- "hain? Oh, i drew this diagram from the old ncert. That was one excellent BOOK! Oh, it has one step less than the new book. Wait, *scribbles* here, you can draw this step too if you want...... In the exam, YOU have to draw this step. It is important. MUJHE pata hai. MAINE paper check kare hain for the boards, !I¡ know what they want. DRAW IT!"


Thing that puts me off number 4- Her ability to say crap and get away with it.
Her intro's to repro classes are famous,(she gives intro's due to the princi passing a law that she will not teach repro, probably cause she is perverted. We're taught repro by another teacher.). She is also known to pass a lot of perverted and embarrassing comments. She also knows the art of incorporating perverted-ness everywhere.
Eg 4.1 We're studying about chromosomes of fruit flies. Nothing perverted at all. The CT comments- " They complete their life cycle in 2 weeks and produce a large number of progeny flies. Having kids is very IMPORTANT. If you don't have kids, your marriage will break down. Pyaar-vyaar sab khatam ho jata hai! Kids keep the MARRIAGE TOGETHER! Having kids is a MUST!" er, ok.
Eg 4.2 Intro to repro class by her- "This is not the right time for you to indulge in SEXUAL activity! You are too YOUNG! GIRLS! Keep Boys At BAY!"
Eg 4.3 We study genes. Another innocent topic. "ok. A QUESTION. If the MOTHER has blood group B and the FATHER has O, can the CHILD have AB blood group?" *everyone acts confused* "NO! The child CAN NOT be AB unless he is adopted, or the mother is.... having a chakkar with the NEIGHBOUR!"

Uh, Ok. Thanx for violating my innocent mind.

B.R.A. -Battle Ready Armour

Who the hell said bra's are not of any use except from stopping your breasts from jiggling?

Ok, that might be the case with ordinary bra's but not this woman's!
This 57 yr old woman is still alive because of her Bra.
She had spotted a couple of 16 yr olds breaking into her neighbours place in the morning, and when they saw her, they shot at her.
And Super Duper Under-wired Bra successfully deflected the bullet, thus saving the woman's life! (yup, she was injured, but she didn't atleast die)

The detroit police sgt says that they should get bullet-proof vests made of that wire, and i dunno why, but i find the idea slightly creepy.

Apr 15

I just had another dream.
And it was bad. It wasn't that frightening, but the atmosphere of this one... Was full of dread.
All dreams have a feeling, a major one that is omnipresent. This one had dread.
I'm writing this so that i don't forget what the dream was about or forget to write it and because i want to tell someone, even if, no one may actually read this.
It majorly had-
dread
a spaceship
stones
my class-upasna (goes home), dhobi n gobhi
sam
the dude i hate (to be called D henceforth)
a friend of mine, male (to be called p henceforth)
some lessons
stones+cars
hate
more dread

enough dread to keep me shaking even after i woke up, and going and hugging my mom in my sleep. I dunno what i was frightened of, but i walked extremely slowly and cautiously around the house. I was afraid. Very afraid.
I'll describe the dream when i get back. I gotto take a bath and get ready for school.
If i recover completely, maybe i won't describe the dream at all. :)


a frightening thought- the feelings can leak out of dreams