Drown- part i

The wind was cool. It brushed part me and made my limp hair come to life and dance with it. I pushed it off my face and blinked rapidly to clear the tears blurring my vision.
I took a few deep breaths to try and calm myself.

Calm myself.

What a joke. Being calm, standing here, 20 feet above the water. I gripped the railing and stared at the dark black water below me.
Why am i gripping the railing?
I laughed through my tears. I should be letting go, not holding on.
I laughed again,a choked maniacal laugh. I'm talking as if i have a lot to hold onto.
My loose cotton dress whipped around my legs, and i shuffled my feet, as to stand a bit more comfortably on the edge of the outer side of this bridge.
I came here to drown. Not myself. I just wanted to drown the pain stabbing me from the inside. If i had to drown myself too to kill it, then so be it.

But why are you still standing? Jump!
You had made up your mind, hadn't you? Jump now!
I taunted myself as i gave another choked sob.

Jump.

Jump.

Jump.

"Don't jump." i heard someone behind me. It was a man. He had a calm, raspy voice. I liked it.

"why?" i whispered. "why shouldn't i?"
"why should you?"
i laughed hysterically. Suicidal tendencies sure screw up your sense of humour.
"he left me." i took a deep breath, "i left everything for him. My parents. My home. My country. I came here after him." i stared at the liberating water through blurry eyes. "And still he left me. I don't have anything. No money, no job, no home... Nothing. Why should i live?"

He went silent. Did he agree? Don't tell me you agree... Please...

"i also once had nothing." he suddenly spoke. "i was ready to give up too. But then, someone gave me a chance, a man i didnt even know. He gave me a job on his ship. I learnt, i worked, i travelled. I saw and experienced new things. Slowly, i grew back." he paused. "you need to give yourself a chance too."
i blinked back my tears. A chance? I tightened my grip on the railing.
"My ship is leaving for Puerto tomorrow morning, a place far from here. If you are willing to take the chance, i can sneak you onto my ship. You can start over again, in a new country, with a new name. A new beginning."
i turned around carefully, placing my feet carefully on the ledge.
I turned to a young man, about my age, with brown hair and a round face. And grey pools for eyes, slightly similar to the dark water i could fall into if i let go now. But his grey eyes were warm, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. The water was cold and still, with no marks on its perfect surface.

I climbed over to railing to him.

First day of the last summer hols

Yesterday was the last day of school before the hols. It wasn't much of a senti affair as most of my class will be coming to school during the hols anyways cause of coaching, and we'll see each other everyday.
But anyways,we did get into a sort of senti mood on realising that this is the last summer hol of our life. Shucks. Then we started flashbacking on the most memorable things since eleventh.
Since most of my class is of hostellers/ppl who just came in eleventh, it was quite a suprise as to how close we've grown in a few months, since july, actually. Ok, fine, in about a year...Whatever, its quite less as compared to the 5-12 years that we've known other ppl in school.

Yae. Its list time.

List of memorable things about section B (completely random order)

* BuKuSuKu
This is one of the most recent memorable things. The BuKuSuKu group was formed by me, upasna, deepti and nayani. Credit for the name goes to Mr. Punnet, founder of the Punnet's square, which we used to think up the name. We used our initials as gametes and formed a square. One of the columns had Bu Ku Su Ku in it, which we took as our group name. But its f irritating when all the other members yell 'BuKuSuKu' at random intervals to piss me off cause i think its a pathetic name though i do love them all.

* The Obi gang
My name is Subohi. You write it as Subohi, you pronounce it as SU-BO-HI. The exact way you write it. Yet some teachers are partially blind and transform it to shubhi, subah, shobi and even subodh. Once upon a substitution teacher called me shobi, and a certain friend of mine called shreya pandey kept making fun of of throughout the day by calling me so too. I finally got irritated and told her that if i was shobi, she was a gobi (cauliflower in hindi). She shrugged. Thus began the obi gang. Her unseperable twin, shreya de (they're not related in anyway, but we all suspect they were destined to be together cause they both hit off really well on meeting) was sometime later christened as dhobi (washerwoman in hindi), thus making the obi gang complete. Our signature is the two-finger hi-fives (hi-two's?). Later, pankhuri was invited to join the group as aloo(potato)-as gobi and aloo are inseperable, and she, sort of agreed.
But it still makes me wonder as to why our gang is named after the belt of a kimono.

* Aditi and 'Yo-man!'
this is during the initial phases, when we'd just met and jtjn had just been released. We used to recite aditi like a poem, in all the ways possible-rap way, sad way, yelling way, serenading way. And we used to say yo-man all the time. It was like our class symbol. We even drew two fingers and a big 'Yo!' as a flag and put it on the notice board. Yae. Fun.

Note- i'll continue later. I really need to go study kinetics or i'll flop in the next test too. *sob*

Oh ya.

Just realised. This is my 102nd post. Crossed the 100 mark. Cheers. Real celebration on 107th post (i like 7's).

I've decided.

I give up. I can't take it anymore. Enough is enough.

Tree

Its bloom time! I love these flowery trees!
Around a month ago, bloom time started in our colony with the purple trees. I dunno their name, but they're AWESOME! I saw them everyday in the evenings, when i came back from coaching and they absolutely made my day. These delicate looking bunches of purple at the tips of the tree branches....Sort of make your heart full of something....Its so beautiful that you can't stop a smile springing to your face. But the flowers are all gone now.
Now, the red tree is in full bloom. It makes my day too. Its like...Completely red...I see it every morning, its right across the road from my bus stop. Its flowers are starting to fall too now, but its as pretty as ever. It makes me smile, seeing the red branches sway in the (relatively) cool morning wind. But they're going too now.
Now its blooming time for my favourite tree. The yellow tree. Or as i discovered some time ago, the amalthas or the laburnum tree. I'm not particularly fond of yellow, but this tree is an explosion of yellow, dangling down from the seemingly white branches. It just makes you feel so happy, for no reason, and makes me smile, as if everything doesn't suck, and is perfect, and complete... Dunno, i just feel great seeing the tree. And i bless the soul who planted one opposite our building. So i see it everyday. This is the first year its blooming and its short, but its beautiful. While walking by, i couldn't resist breaking of one branch full of flowers. There are quite a few yellow trees in munirka. 2 are just near my bus stop. They're larger, but not as pretty as my yellow tree.
But its weird. They're blooming late this year. I remember seeing them in full bloom in march, on the way to the board exam centre. I'd love seeing them. I sort of thought of them as my lucky charm. There were dozens on the way, and i would gaze happily at them as the cool air from the open car window ruffled my hair. I think they are my lucky charm. But i also don't believe lucky charms work, those stones and taveez things seem far too... Unreliable...
But i've preserved my yellow tree branch in my pradeep subjective just in case.

My Class Teacher

My CT is driving me insane. I frankly could have cared less about her, but she has a certain charm that says 'listen to every crappy word !I¡ say you moron or !I¡ will punch the air out of your alveoli !!!'

I can actually list the things about her that put me off-


Thing that puts me off number 1- she lacks any voice modulation skills. She starts off in a soft enough tone and ends up literally barking the notes at you. It really makes me cringe. Its as if she is shouting the lesson angrily at us. I hate ppl yelling. It makes my tummy churn in an unpleasant way.
Eg- 1.1 "write- Kleinfelters syndrome. It is caused due to... *cringe* PRESENCE OF AN ADDITIONAL COPY OF *cringe* *cringe* !X-CHROMOSOME!!!¡ such an individual can suffer from... *cringe* GYNAECOMASTIA!!! - Development of *cringe* BREASTS!!! *cringing hyperdrive*"


Thing that puts me off number 2- her life revolves around the word 'I' and 'me' and 'my'.
2.1 She'll tell you stories about her and her greatness and her power and her stature and her daughters and her life without anyone asking.
Eg 2.1.1- MY daughters are so amazing. MY second daughter is more dedicated than MY first. She studied for medical herself without MY help and got in HERSELF!
2.1.2 YOU don't know what life is. You HAVE to do your job no matter what. Like ME. !I! remember when !I! was pregnant with MY second daughter, !I! went to school EVERYDAY and taught till the very last day. That day, !I! came to school and then went back home and delivered MY daughter that night."

2.2 She will tell you exactly how knowledgable and worship-worthy she is.
Eg 2.2.1 "What? He's in the clinic? Yeah, yeah, !I¡ knew that. !I¡ know everything. MUJHE sab pata hai!!! MUJHE 25 yrs ka experience hai!"
Eg 2.2.1 "Huh? Which chromosome mutation causes leukemia? Oh ya. !I¡ know. MUJHE pata hai. MY brother had leukemia. MAINE dekha hai vo chromosome!!!"


Thing that puts me off number 3- she craps a lot about HER 25yrs of experience, mentioning how knowledgable and great she is whenever she can. She also keeps quoting from her 10yr old withering out of date ncert very proudly, probably cause she'd learnt it off heart. She's the bio HOD, but she still doesn't know the 3yr old syllabi well enough and has to literally read out the text book to us as notes.
Eg 3.1 She draws the diagram to show how chromosomes seperate- "hain? Oh, i drew this diagram from the old ncert. That was one excellent BOOK! Oh, it has one step less than the new book. Wait, *scribbles* here, you can draw this step too if you want...... In the exam, YOU have to draw this step. It is important. MUJHE pata hai. MAINE paper check kare hain for the boards, !I¡ know what they want. DRAW IT!"


Thing that puts me off number 4- Her ability to say crap and get away with it.
Her intro's to repro classes are famous,(she gives intro's due to the princi passing a law that she will not teach repro, probably cause she is perverted. We're taught repro by another teacher.). She is also known to pass a lot of perverted and embarrassing comments. She also knows the art of incorporating perverted-ness everywhere.
Eg 4.1 We're studying about chromosomes of fruit flies. Nothing perverted at all. The CT comments- " They complete their life cycle in 2 weeks and produce a large number of progeny flies. Having kids is very IMPORTANT. If you don't have kids, your marriage will break down. Pyaar-vyaar sab khatam ho jata hai! Kids keep the MARRIAGE TOGETHER! Having kids is a MUST!" er, ok.
Eg 4.2 Intro to repro class by her- "This is not the right time for you to indulge in SEXUAL activity! You are too YOUNG! GIRLS! Keep Boys At BAY!"
Eg 4.3 We study genes. Another innocent topic. "ok. A QUESTION. If the MOTHER has blood group B and the FATHER has O, can the CHILD have AB blood group?" *everyone acts confused* "NO! The child CAN NOT be AB unless he is adopted, or the mother is.... having a chakkar with the NEIGHBOUR!"

Uh, Ok. Thanx for violating my innocent mind.

B.R.A. -Battle Ready Armour

Who the hell said bra's are not of any use except from stopping your breasts from jiggling?

Ok, that might be the case with ordinary bra's but not this woman's!
This 57 yr old woman is still alive because of her Bra.
She had spotted a couple of 16 yr olds breaking into her neighbours place in the morning, and when they saw her, they shot at her.
And Super Duper Under-wired Bra successfully deflected the bullet, thus saving the woman's life! (yup, she was injured, but she didn't atleast die)

The detroit police sgt says that they should get bullet-proof vests made of that wire, and i dunno why, but i find the idea slightly creepy.

Apr 15

I just had another dream.
And it was bad. It wasn't that frightening, but the atmosphere of this one... Was full of dread.
All dreams have a feeling, a major one that is omnipresent. This one had dread.
I'm writing this so that i don't forget what the dream was about or forget to write it and because i want to tell someone, even if, no one may actually read this.
It majorly had-
dread
a spaceship
stones
my class-upasna (goes home), dhobi n gobhi
sam
the dude i hate (to be called D henceforth)
a friend of mine, male (to be called p henceforth)
some lessons
stones+cars
hate
more dread

enough dread to keep me shaking even after i woke up, and going and hugging my mom in my sleep. I dunno what i was frightened of, but i walked extremely slowly and cautiously around the house. I was afraid. Very afraid.
I'll describe the dream when i get back. I gotto take a bath and get ready for school.
If i recover completely, maybe i won't describe the dream at all. :)


a frightening thought- the feelings can leak out of dreams

Recipe- song a la crap

Ways to destroy a song-

requirements-
1 good song by a famous composer. For best effects, select a fresh one, on which the composer has worked hard.
1 composer, who won't complain about the shit his song will endure
2 awards
1 irritating slut group
3 jars of vela news channels
2 sucky campaign managers


STEP 1:
make the song as famous as possible by adding 2 awards to the composer in a bowl. To initiate the process of making the song irritating, add the 3 jars of vela news channels who will play the song as background music for every news possible (cricket match victories,awards,shoke sabhas,a dog's marriage to a tree).
Continue stirring till the public is completely pissed with the song and turns a light red (with anger). Ensure that the public loses all real appreciation for the lyrics and tune and composer.


STEP 2
Hand out the song to a slut group so they can make a remix. Add seductive words and 3 1/2 pounds of raw flesh (comes free with slut group). Garnish with dumb lines till song is repulsive enough to make you puke.
(suggested garnishing- "just keep it burnin, yeah baby, just keep it comin...")


STEP 3
Take 2 sucky campaign managers who have no intelligible ideas. Allow them to remix the song as to promote their parties. This can be done in two ways-
1) by criticising the government through the lyrics (if you were not the government) and blaming them for every calamity, accident, wardrobe malfunction on ramp, your dirty restroom, any disease and/or any other mortal sin.
2) by praising the goverment in the lyrics and flashing weird pictures of your party leaders, flags, supporters, animals and toilet paper rolls in the video. (if you were the government last time)
Then, pay some of the afore mentioned vela news channels to play these videos instead of commercials. Ensure they are popular so that there is maximum destruction.
Suggested garnishing-recession hit public


Congratulations. You just beat the crap of a really good song.

Dreams

Does anyone know how to stop yourself from dreaming?
No, not day-dreaming.... The sleep dreams.
Can you stop them? I'll probably go mad if i can't.

Today i dreamt that my grandma died.
Before that i dreamt of something just as freaky.
The day before i had a dream inside a dream inside a dream. And i was asleep for just 1 1/2 hrs. And the dream wasn't pleasant.
Sometime before that, i dreamt of being convicted for a crime i hadn't done and someone dying. I woke up crying.


Someone make it stop. Please.

P.S. I've decided to keep a dream diary from now on and record my dreams before i forget them and also how frequently i dream.
If i sleep less than i do now, will it stop? I sleep 5 hrs nowadays.