ALL PRAISE THE IDIOTS!!!

Announcing the enterprising demises of the 2007 Darwin Award Winners

" Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it. "
This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. THREE independent groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a barn, a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In all cases, the structures collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh! This year brought us 16 jaw-droppping nominees, not counting new nominees for previous years and Near Misses (AKA Honorable Mentions) which I will cover in the next ish.
Enjoy the stories of the winners... and be glad you're not one!

RUNNER UP # FIVE:THE LAPTOP STILL WORKS (Confirmed True by Darwin)
"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.
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RUNNER UP # FOUR:SUPERIOR MOMENTUM (Confirmed True by Darwin)
June 2007, Illinois Two Valparaiso men tested their reflexes by playing "chicken" with a train. Which man could stay on the rail the longest in the path of an oncoming train? At the stroke of midnight, the contest was decided. The winner, aptly named Patrick Stiff, lost his life. The train continued on, as the conductor was unaware that it had hit anyone.
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RUNNER UP # THREE:BARN DEMOLITION (Unconfirmed by Darwin)
January 2007, West Virginia) Three friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated barn one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious man fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden support beams were all that stood between the demolition worker and structural collapse. It was all fun and games until the roof, sans support, succumbed to the pull of gravity and flattened the man with the chainsaw. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.
(Darwin notes, this story is unconfirmed, but no disputes have come to my attention, as usually happens with bogus stories.)

Addendum: This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. Two other groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In both cases, the structure collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh!

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RUNNER UP # TWO:MOLE HUNT (Confirmed True by Darwin)
January 2007, East Germany One man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a victory for the mole. The metal rods he pounded into the ground and connected to a high-voltage power line, electrified the very ground the man stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

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RUNNER UP # ONE:WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN (Confirmed Double Darwin Award)
June 2007, South Carolina A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old deceased couple laying naked in the road an hour before sunrise. Authorities were baffled. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked vehicles present. But investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. McCants said.

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AND THE 2007 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS...THE ENEMA WITHIN (Confirmed True by Darwin)
May 2004, Texas Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party.
Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!
When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.
The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.
In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Check out the site at: http://www.darwinawards.com/

Ok. I just a minute ago saw this recently released ad by Airtel and Nokia. It shows people from different places,situations and occupations clutching at their hearts when they hear the 'teen teen' of a call (apparently) ,as if it brings some dreadful news. In the end they show SRK who dutifully clutches his chest and declares - (not quoting) 'jab Airtel aur Nokia ka mel ho, to garv se bolo...' - and they show the dozen different people saying 'hello!'. Well I usually do not post perverted things, but I dunno why, I suddenly wondered why there weren't any women in the ad, as they were showing different people, what was this? Discrimination?
When I imagined how it'd look if they were there.... Well never mind........

Yeah!

PPP won! But I'm surprised there wasn't any poll rigging. I mean, why did Musharaff let the polls be fair and all?
Hmmm....
Whatever, it's about time that he left. I don't suppose he could have handled any of the things going on around north of Pakistan. Maybe PPP would do better getting rid of the terrorists. Ok, they may not, but they'll certainly be more inclined to do it, since their own leader was killed that way.
But why am I happy? I don't live there, do I? No, but I am hopeful, like majority of Pakistanis that the new PPP-PML(N) government would do well. And make Pakistan a proper democracy, and live up to the peoples hopes.
It"s going to be all joy and celebration for a while, a nice change, I think, from all the violent and depressing occurrences.
I've actually been thinking of a e-pal of mine (who I haven't seen online for years). I wonder how he is. He lived in Islamabad, and wanted to be...Something. I forgot. I told him I wanted to be a pilot, and he said why? To bomb Pakistan? And he said something, I don't remember, but I think it was army or politics or something, cause I said, why? To declare war against India? He also had a small sister and I convinced her once to speak to me in 'Urdu'. Most people don't realise that common Urdu and Hindi are quite same. I told her that and i actually enjoyed talking to her in Hindi. I had mailed him once, when the earthquake had struck in Pakistan and north India. I was suprised to see, that though he lived in Islamabad, very near the epicenter, he and his comp was fine, as he was sitting online a day later. I find this quite suspicious.
Anyway, I wonder what he thinks of all the things going on now. Most people don't realise it, but we're like, witnessing history. For eg. i didn't care too much about the killings in Nepal a few years ago. And now, we're reading about it in our civics book. I was actually suprised to see that.

And yeah, why did PPP win? Well, it's obvious, that the people were hoping it would do better, and they sympathise with Benazir's family etc etc... And surprisingly, Bilawal seems to have a hand in it too, as young girls who think him 'hot', and are above voting age, went and voted for his party. But I'm content that he's not leading the party as yet. It's kind of monarchic, you know, mother dies, son inherits. He'd do well to lead later, when he's finished studying, and the other leaders are old.
And yes, a piece of advice for Mr. Bilawal, DO NOT MARRY A PAKISTANI GIRL. Nah, I'm not against them, but he'd do better to marry a Indian Muslim girl. It'd be so wonderful, a Pakistani leader unites India-Pakistan again, they become better friends than they ever were. Yeah! Cheers! Ok, Mr. Bilawal, you may not want to do it, but you must find a nice, popular, young Pakistani leader who would. It's for the nations! They should marry on the Wagah border.
*sniff* how lovely.
Hmmm... I'm blabbing too much today, hai na?

Boards Shoards

Boards are coming,yeah, Boards are coming,yeah. And you know what? Surprisingly enough, I'm not tense at all, while SOME people are crying and banging their heads with tension.
I dunno why I'm not worried. Lots of people stay up till 3 am and them wake up at 7, to study again. I can't do that, ever! I hate compromising with sleep and I don't ever before an exam, as in, quickly go through the main points and every thing. I've found that it actually confuses me more than anything. I take extra care to sleep on time the night before an exam, and The Hindustan Times agrees with me. Quoting them, darlings -

"Inadequate rest impairs growth and learning and school students need seven to eight hours of sleep a day. Sacrificing sleep time studying is wasted as what is read is not retained. It's only when the brain is well rested that you can retain better."

I also remember reading an article ages ago about an experiment. Here, people were to remember simple patterns of placing cups or something. Like, the blue one comes first, red second, etc. The people who'd slept well remembered the pattern most correctly while the second group,who'd not slept, made more mistakes. It seems that the brain adjusts and arranges info acquired while we're asleep.
After reading that article, I'd made it a point to study facts or things that I found very confusing, in the night, before I went to sleep. Maybe its my imagination, but I those facts correctly now, without any confusion.
Good for me that I'm not worried. My friend's friend says that someone in her school hanged herself. She was a tenthie and an idiot. How can you suicide for marks?
I don't get it. Life's AMAZING. How can you give it up for marks? OK, it may not be amazing to her, but that means that she should try to make it better, not die!
Yeah, maybe it's about aiming. My aim is to study, while enjoying at times too. She probably aimed for more than she could manage, thus overloading.
No one can stand failure, thus the stupid act to ignore your 'failure'. Its all in the mind.
Why take tension? I think its very idiotic. Though it can fuel your will to work harder, too much is er.... not good.

Places to go

Here are some visit-able places that you've probably never even heard of. Well,delhi is full of monuments,and you can't expect each of them to get the same attention can you?

ASOLA WILDLIFE SANCTUARY
Its close to tughlaq fort.
Its almost within city limits. If you want to go in,you should pay for a guide,its worth it. You'll find black bucks here(yeah,the same "protected" species that salman shot), nilgai, jackals, and deer.

AGRASEN KI BAOLI
It lies off hailey road,near connaught place.
Its a thousand-year old stepwell. It has 3 floors and is said to be haunted.

PATAUDI PALACE
Pataudi in Haryana
Nice place,green and everything, good place to spend a few hours relaxing. Built by Nawab Ibrahim Ali Khan,its home to the cricketer, Tiger Pataudi. Its 60 km from delhi.

Yes,all this info has been nicked off magazines.
A comment by my friend when i told her about all this- "Kya baat karti hai? A sanctuary in delhi? How come they spared it? I predict- apartments and malls to be seen there soon..."
Very likely to come true.

Holy Shit

Ok. I suppose everyone knows about the book by Dan Brown, Da Vinci Code. Do you remember the reference to a picture called Madonna Of The Rocks/Virgin Of The Rocks (VOTR)? This para is from a book i was reading- Secrets Of The Code.The para is an excerpt from a para by Lynn Picknett

here it goes-
"...We should take a look at one of his other religious paintings, VOTR ... The following revelation is so sensational, so apparently ludicrous, as to appear the product of a Freudian delusion, or an infantile fantasy. Yet it should be remembered that Leo (da vinci) was primarily a hoaxer, a joker and illusionist- and that he hated the holy family ... clive and i wrote in the Templar Revelation that Leo was subtle in presenting his secret heretical code "for those with to see" and did nothing that was "the equivalent of sticking a red nose on st peter." But as we discovered more recently, we were wrong.
Do not think of the reverential hush of the great art galleries ... Think more of giggling school boys passing naughty scribblings behind the bike sheds ... A clue lies in the title of the painting- "rocks" was italian slang for testicles, ... Equivalent of the modern term-balls. And so it is that the reason for the mass of rocks above the holy family becomes shockingly obvious.
Almost growing out of the Virgin's head are two huge male "rocks"- topped with a massive phallus that rises to the very skyline,comprising no less than half the painting. The offending article is created out of a mass of rock, yet it is clearly discernible, and is even impudently topped with a small spurt of weeds. ... This is Leo the hoaxer and the heretic at his most audacious- and vicious. He created the grotesque make appurtenances deliberately, no doubt perversely and savagely inspired by the organisation commissioned by him ... With a giant penis growing out of her head, he is clearly saying "to those with eyes to see " that this is no Virgin.

Here are some visit-able places that you've probably never even heard of. Well,delhi is full of monuments,and you can't expect each of them to get the same attention can you?

Some Kidney Freak

Aren't there times when you just want to kick someone hard in the ass? I want to. I want to kick that stupid doctor, Dr Amit Kumar.
Yes, the kidney guy.
He is so immensely besharam.
He gets caught, but instead of going nicely and quietly ("yes, i know i made a big mistake. I should pay for it, i agree. Lets go to jail."), he tries to actually bribe the nice police people! ("yes, i know i made a big mistake. I should pay for it, i agree. Here, i'll pay YOU! I think you don't get paid nicely enough. Here, here, take it. Bacchon ke liye mithai-vithai kharidna!).
And then, back in delhi, at the airport, he was smiling so nicely for the media. Hello? You are a criminal darling, not SRK with his bodyguard.
And the media is busy doing weird stuff. Instead of telling about his crimes, they tell us that his house hard kidney-shaped pools. Tch tch. Kidney obsessed, isn't he?
And they're also very busy naming him- Kidney Kumar, Dr kidney, Dr khaufnak, Kidney Kingpin and Khooni Kumar. My favourites are Dr. Dracula and Kidney Chor. The latter gives of visions of him diving at people and emerging with a kidney, to scuttle away at full speed.
And his looks are best described by my mom- "bilkul hevan jaisa lagta hai!"

Good vs Evil

I installed a new facebook app, Good vs Evil, around a month ago. Just 1 person has voted as yet, and he voted me 100% evil. Well, the guy is a big weirdo, but i do agree i'm quite evil, and i'm not at all offended by his saying so. There's nothing wrong with being a bit evil, not in a way as to hurt someone emotionally or physically, but by being naughty. Also, i don't think being mean to the people who dislike you is wrong. Its not great to be good always, because-
#1 If it weren't for evil-ness, i don't suppose we'd appreciate goodness as much as we do. Also, that much niceness would make of gag. Imagine he there was always light, and on darkness at all, them you'd probably wish for a bit darkness, wouldn't you? Oh yeah, this brings of to...
#2 Too much sweetness is BORING. I'd certainly want a change. Somehow, in the quiz about what kind of guy you'd fall for, i got "sweet guy".
Ewwww...
I gave the quiz again, changed 1 answer, and got "the frat boy". Hmmm... Definitely my style. Come on, isn't the guy who plays Draco loved because of his evil grin? He is SO adorable.
I don't mind being a bit evil, but i suppose others do, and take it far too seriously. Take Anuj for example. I had a hard time convincing my parents to let of in to sam's house on the last pre-board, and we were trying to watch a movie in the little time we had. Then, anuj pops up. He bores me to death and tries to show up very pathetically boring clips, thus, wasting our movie-watching time. Should i act courteous? Well, i didn't. I called him a kamina. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings or anything, but to tell him that he's annoying. Sorry anuj, but you are irritating. Not that i'm not. I actually take pleasure in saying things that exasperate others and make them feel like banging their head on the wall.
So, the point is,don't be good always, or evil to the people who are nice to you, but he someone makes fun of you and you don't reply cause you're a goody-two-shoes, you'd be better off retaliating. And make sure neither side wins in the battle of good vs evil.

The suicidal tendencies of a hollow-horned, ruminant, quadruped mammal.

We'd once gone to my dad's friend's house, and that's when uncle told up about this goat he'd got for bakra-id. He'd got a nice, white goat, and decided to keep it on the terrace. The goat was well-fed, happy, and full of goatly-goodness.
On id, when uncle went to fetch the goat, he couldn't find it! They found a while later lying atop a car parked on the ground floor. The goat had apparently jumped to its death.
My dad says- Stupid animal... How much did it cost?
Bro says- maybe it decided to suicide and become shaheed, rather than surrender to the butcher.
Me- hahahahaha...
Such was the story of the real shaheed bakri (remember that chapter?).

Please don't forget me

You know,i've been thinking,all of us have our own different stories of our life, different thoughts, we all respond differently to things,people and songs. Everyone is unique and has a different story of things we've done. Only we and some of our family and friends know about it.
Now, imagine, that everyone forgot everything about you. Your friends,family,everyone you know, doesn't remember you or anything you did. Not even at the back of their heads. Wouldn't you sort of be dead? Because you didn't make a difference in anyones life,didn't leave an imprint that you existed. All you did,your story is lost. There's no evidence you existed.
Or maybe, what if you really died. Everyone you knew,who loved you, with whom you shared your life, died, and noone remembered you anymore. If you made a difference only in a small group of peoples lives. You were forgotten and all the beautiful things you'd seen and experienced and felt were forgotten. Evidence you existed, your clothes, your letters that you wrote, your diary,in which you recorded your thoughts and everything that happened to you, were destroyed. Th things you did,the relationships you created were of no importance,cause everyone important to you was dead. You were lost,your memory lost, no effect made by you remained, no sign that you existed remained, and your memory had faded away, your ideas and dreams disappeared along with you, how'd you feel? I don't know why, i find the whole idea very frightening.