The suicidal tendencies of a hollow-horned, ruminant, quadruped mammal.

We'd once gone to my dad's friend's house, and that's when uncle told up about this goat he'd got for bakra-id. He'd got a nice, white goat, and decided to keep it on the terrace. The goat was well-fed, happy, and full of goatly-goodness.
On id, when uncle went to fetch the goat, he couldn't find it! They found a while later lying atop a car parked on the ground floor. The goat had apparently jumped to its death.
My dad says- Stupid animal... How much did it cost?
Bro says- maybe it decided to suicide and become shaheed, rather than surrender to the butcher.
Me- hahahahaha...
Such was the story of the real shaheed bakri (remember that chapter?).

Please don't forget me

You know,i've been thinking,all of us have our own different stories of our life, different thoughts, we all respond differently to things,people and songs. Everyone is unique and has a different story of things we've done. Only we and some of our family and friends know about it.
Now, imagine, that everyone forgot everything about you. Your friends,family,everyone you know, doesn't remember you or anything you did. Not even at the back of their heads. Wouldn't you sort of be dead? Because you didn't make a difference in anyones life,didn't leave an imprint that you existed. All you did,your story is lost. There's no evidence you existed.
Or maybe, what if you really died. Everyone you knew,who loved you, with whom you shared your life, died, and noone remembered you anymore. If you made a difference only in a small group of peoples lives. You were forgotten and all the beautiful things you'd seen and experienced and felt were forgotten. Evidence you existed, your clothes, your letters that you wrote, your diary,in which you recorded your thoughts and everything that happened to you, were destroyed. Th things you did,the relationships you created were of no importance,cause everyone important to you was dead. You were lost,your memory lost, no effect made by you remained, no sign that you existed remained, and your memory had faded away, your ideas and dreams disappeared along with you, how'd you feel? I don't know why, i find the whole idea very frightening.

About the blog…. And what not to write in an exam.

Oh yeah people…about the blog…no, it’s not like I decided to abandon it or anything, but, I didn’t have the time to update it. Ok, maybe I did, but I didn’t have the heart to use my spare time writing a blog than playing games or watching movies.
How selfish of me.
Ah, but this doesn’t mean that you stop visiting my blog. Visit it regularly, and you may occasionally find a new post.
I was busy earlier with my pre-boards, and later, with enjoying the holidays after them, but I’m busier now, now that we’ve got our papers. I don’t suppose anyone need be told how horrible they were and how my parents are after me now to study harder, etc….how….not interesting.
Anyway, as you all know, I have amazing style, creativity, flair, (…blah, blah, blah,…) and imagination. So, I usually try to show my creative aptitude in my language papers. I’ll give you a very recent example:

Q. As a concerned citizen, you welcome the decision of the planning commission for a sharp increase in allocation for education, (…blah, blah, blah…). Write a letter to the editor sharing your views.
Now, we have a nice letter to write on our hands, and I don’t use my creativity? Nah…impossible. Here’s how it went (I’m serious):

156, My House Road
Wherever You Wish, 110099

76 January 2008

The Editor,
The Times Of India,
16, Their Building road
Wherever They Wish, 110099

Sir
Subject: Planning commission’s decision
This letter is regarding your article,” Allocation for education. Teachers rejoice as salaries increase” was excellent.(….blah, blah. Totally serious, to get marks, you kow…)
Yours faithfully,
Crystal Das Khan

Hohoho. Ok, I know it wasn’t funny, but most people don’t have the guts to do that, AND get a “good” in it (yeah!!!).
Well, adding a little humor to the language you know, is ok, but to the language you don’t know?? Don’t try it, kids, its harmful to your health (you see, you write dumb stuff, marks get cut, you get horrible marks, you get upset, parent see marks, parents get high BP, parents go to hospital, you under stress….so, bad for health)
Here’s what happened when I wrote totally idiotic stuff in my French paper:
Q. Write a message to your granma that you can’t come visit her this week-end cause ________ (make a shoddy excuse).
I wrote the whole message beautifully, but in the end I signed off:

Ta grand-fille,
Rakshas

NOT A GOOD IDEA. I didn’t know how to sign off. You can’t write “amicalement” can you? I wrote what I thought was for grand daughter and added a pretty little ah-so-humorous name, Rakshas. Now, I firstly signed off on the right, not left (damn), and grand-fille means nothing (double damn).
Teacher says: IS THIS WHAT YOU’VE LEARNT?
Ooops. I can’t believe she smiled as she gave me the paper.
I would love to go on rambling, but I gotto go study. Nooo….my mom isn’t standing behind me and prodding me in the back to go study. I’m going cause I want to, cause I like it, and I know that studying is better than writing blogs,and cause I love French, and chemistry too…as much I love ….. (whew!!! she’s gone.) HARRY POTTER

Wishes

Wishes for 2008 (may all this happen!)

1) More nice movies like Taare Zameen Par. The movie was very cute. It makes you laugh, makes you cry, and leaves you feeling good at the end of it. And the songs were too good. 'Meri Ma' makes you cry, and the title track has some very good lyrics. Can't stop humming it.

2) Real news - ok, I know I've written entries already criticizing the stupidness of news channels, but we seriously need some real news. Look at Aaj Tak. It started two almost similar news channels - Dilli Aaj Tak and Tez. Dilli passes its time sending its reporters around Delhi to show where to shop in Delhi (as if we don't know). Now, what is Tez to do? It shows clips of weird things going on around the world (like, off from 'world's most amazing videos'), or clips from reality shows (zoom in to Rakhi Sawant's cleavage, give her publicity, etc). But they crossed the limit recently. I was flipping through channels (I know, ne pas zapper, but still ...) and paused at Tez. There was a guy in their studio who looked like he hadn't bathed for a week, sitting and singing a song I'd never heard in a damn besura voice. I was just wondering what the hell this was about,when he abruptly stopped singing, raised his hand to his nose, and pinched it close. He them took a deep breath through his mouth, relaxed, and then began to open and pinch close his nostrils rapidly as to produce a nosy tune of the song he had been singing. When he stopped, I was choking with laughter, but the reporter calmly smiled and congratulated him on his 'kala'. Sheesh. News channels ke itne bure din aa gaye?

3) Old design - I really want the notebooks with the old designs back. The new ones by Janta Book Depot must be cheaper for the school, I suppose, for they do look like it. I hate the horrible green cover with black flecks. It looks diseased. I want the nice Tushar Publications notebooks back.

4) Ba dies - I'm not a horrible person that I want someone dead, and neither is Ba a vamp that she should die, but it's time she died. 'Kyunki Saas bhi...' has completed around a million episodes and Ba's grand children now have grand children, but that lady is still alive and kicking. I'm sorry Ba, but its time to go.

5) Pakistan ki gatha - I wish Pakistan turns into a nice democracy with true elections sans anymore bloodshed and its people live happily without fear. Mein kitmi mahan hoon. Meri jai ho!
Oh yeah, also, when Pakistan elects its PM, he/she will come to meet me personally cause thanks to my dua, he/she was elected.

6) Ed board - I become the main editor of the Ed Board. Atleast I'll ensure it won't suck as much as this year's did.

7) Whatever -whatever plans I have for this year may actually take place and not remain just plans.

8) Travel - I hope I travel abroad yet again. And due to Pre-Boards, I didn't even get to travel anywhere this winter.

9) Claire - I know this is very mean of me, but I hope a really cute guy comes instead of my host, Claire this year. A nice, sweet, shy and cute guy. Ok, I'll stop dreaming. French and cute and not my hosts boyfriend? Nah. Impossible.

10) Packaging dream - I know this won't happen, but I wish the Lays and other companies would use less plastic in packing their meagre amount of chips. How many times have you just opened a bag of chips and still had to reach really deep inside to get to them? And they're polluting the environment too, those assholes.

11) Etc - I wish for world peace, etc etc

What are your wishes this new year? SMS your wishes to 9877777777. Type 'wishes' your wish and win amazing prizes! (yeah right, you will...)

2007 Ki Jai

2007 is gone. I'm sad that it has, but you really can't hold on to anything for long, can you? I have to agree that it was an amazing year,and maybe more memorable than the last few.
When the year began, I really was expecting a lot from it. Firstly, because it's the last year with section F and also because I believe 7 is lucky for me. You all must have read in the newspaper how 9 occurred again and again in Benazir's life. It's similar for me. I'll tell you the gatha in another post.

This year was simply amazing. We got Lakshmi ma'am as our class teacher, and though we hated her sometimes, we loved her too, and couldn't deny that she taught us a lot. Then, the French exchange trip was too good. I was a bit baffled at first by the speed with which the people spoke French, but began to enjoy it too. I was lucky to have my host in Cognac (yeah! Cognac!), as I got to see Cognac, as well as Angouleme and Paris. Paris was pretty, but quite small, and the Eiffel tower was huge! There weren't cute guys in France at all, unlike what Meha had predicted (well, except for my host's boyfriend. Damn.). I also discovered (even though I expected it) that the French thought us, like, VERY backward, expected we slept on the floor and gasped in surprise when they found us using the Net or Hotmail. It was also hilarious sometimes, like when Vidisha's host turned out to be lesbian and when Utkarsh showed us the video of the theme park he went to, where the background of a kids' ride had pictures of nude girls. (Read all posts in May)

I sadly had to miss our assembly,which I can guess from descriptions, was horrible. Because -
a) very few were allowed to participate and
b) Sambhav was apparently selecting the songs (sheesh.)
c) etc.

Then, I also loved the time spent at my grandma's place with my cousins in the summer holidays, though it was a bit cramped in the 4-bedroom house. Everyone in the immediate family was staying there and it was one of the most wonderful times I spent with my family. Everyone was so caring and loving. Out of the 9 cousins, I'm the middle one, 4 older, 4 younger. It made me feel good inside to see how everyone cared about me. I wasn't left out of anything. I went with the adults to the hospital, I played with the little kids, I went shopping with the older kids, but, it would have been nice if we all hadn't met because my aunt was sick. We all used to laugh and smile around her, make plans how we'd go for a whole family trip to Shimla or some place, when she got well. She didn't. God bless her soul. (Read post She)

I had to work hard to catch up with work after the holidays and man, was it tough!
Since then, till now, I've been discovering work I haven't done and was supposed to do in the holidays.

My aunt died soon after the assessments, and my reaction to the news wasn't unlike the one I had on hearing that Benazir had died. I went "Huh? What? Are you serious?" It's a pity she left with dreams in her eyes of getting well, going for family trips and of one day showing me her home in Lucknow. I haven't been there yet. I don't think I want to go.

Then, I fell in love again. No, not that way... I fell in love with life. I don't know why I felt so happy and thankful for everything. This happened exactly after the half-yearly's. There was Saturday after the last test and Id on sunday. I spent the next few days visiting places around Delhi where I hadn't been before, and suddenly felt very thankful for being here, where I am. I realized that life couldn't get better than this. Well, it would be good enough if people stopped wanting more. That time, there was nothing I wanted and felt happy just looking around at the things I have. I kept smiling without a reason, being nice to the worst of people and was sooo happy for around one month till when it began to wear off a bit. I mean, seriously, we're so lucky! I go to Asia's best school, am born in the world's most culturally diverse country and live in the capital! Delhi is amazing, extravagant, diverse and I'm some of the lucky ones who live in Delhi, but not on the road. I was thankful to my great-great grandfathers for not going to Pakistan and to my parents for coming to Delhi. I have a father who is ready to blow a couple of lakhs so I can see the world. My mom is so lenient with me, (unlike other Muslim mothers who want their kids in burqas) and allows me to wear anything except the sleazy dresses. I have a loving brother, who only recently turned into a preacher, (after going to college). I don't know about you, but I love my country of a million different views, of billions of ideas, of thousands of languages, of a crore examples of hope and faith, of the everyday exercise of democracy and freedom, of people with the strength to stand up for their rights, of the many accommodated cultures, and I'm proud of my country who is willing to change without losing its roots from the past. Here is a country willing to keep you no matter which religion or caste you belong to. I've never not been accepted or made fun of because I'm a Muslim in a country where majority of people are Hindus. This general acceptance isn't found in all countries. And I really love my life because of all that.

Thanks a lot 2007, thanks a lot.
And oh yeah, Adi is still an ass. Time won't change my view about him.

Bullets, Bullying And Bullshit

I don't think there's anyone who hasn't heard about the "crazy kid" who shot a guy dead in school. If you haven't, firstly, you're a big geek, and secondly, here's what happened -

All these people studied in Euro International School. Abhishek, the guy who died, was a big bully who often bullied the guy owning the gun, Akash and his friend, Vilas. Abhishek had bullied them for 3 months till getting shot. On December 10, the two, Akash and Abhishek fought again, and then, Akash decided to fix him. He got the gun to school and hid it in the restroom, challenged the guy during Break, got the gun and shot him. Akash and his pal fired 5 shots between them. They both were 14.
OK, That's Very Freaky. I was 14 until 3 weeks ago and really can't imagine myself being so irritated by anyone as to shoot him(or her). I mean, what the hell? The school didn't notice the bullying, the parents didn't notice anything wrong (which I find strange), and they actually kept a fully loaded gun on their TV trolley! What the hell?
I really can't believe that Akash had been bullied for 3 months to such an extent and his behaviour did not change. Everyone gets bullied, verbally, or physically. The poor guy being pushed to such an extent is weird.

Well, ok, even I didn't know how to handle being "bullied" until last year, when I got some sense. Whenever someone said something mean to me, I got very angry and started hitting, or cried. Both the reactions are very dumb, I know, but I felt bad about even the tiniest of jokes and took everything to the heart, something that no one should ever do. Now, if anyone cracks a joke on me, I laugh along and take it easy, but if it gets too vulgar or abusing, I ignore the person for days on or stare at him as if he's shit, if it can be handled that way.

I searched, and came up with this list of cases of weird violence in schools -

# In West Bengal, a teen stabbed a girl for refusing to marry him.

# I don't get what this means,but I'm quoting it for the benefit of those who do - "... then, there's the case of a Mumbai schoolboy who strangled himself in an apparent asphyxiation fix gone sour." Well, I know what asphyxiation is, but I don't get the line.

# A guy killed his classmate 2 years ago and has recently got a life sentence. (No more information was provided)

# Quoting - "a student of a prominent south Delhi school (who was being constantly bullied) hurled a stone at his tormentor, injuring him seriously." No, I understood what this means well and guessed that they were referring to our dear school. I couldn't remember such an incident, but then vaguely recalled what I'd heard from a senior. This took place after school during some band competition. The guy apparently threw a brick at another fellow, and thanks to this incident, our schools band, which was last, wasn't allowed to perform its last 2 songs. I heard about the incident only cause it stopped our band from playing and winning, and that's what everyone had been actually been worried about. This happened sometime this year only.

# Everyone must have heard about the weirdo who jumped off the A block, cause he was challenged to, and broke a bone or two. (Wah! Poetry without even trying! Wah!). Thankfully, even though we were in the block right opposite (C), i didn't see the guy cause we'd gone for a picnic. The guy had apparently twisted his leg in a weird manner. Ewwww!!!!!
The funny thing is, the bullies, who try to act really coo and behave like bonds, are supposed to do so cause they're insecure. I find that weird, because they seem/ show themselves to be so popular, powerful and great. Also, if you want to know, the Faridabad Juvenile Home,which houses k(ids)riminals, has 55 kids! Ooh, krime is on the high.

Fish Water Of Queen Is

People really teach their kids a lot of shit. I mean, seriously.

Take as an example, the nursery rhyme that all of us learnt at one time or another - " machhli jal ki rani hai" (fish water of queen is- translating seedhe). This poem is full of falsities and dumbness that we shouldn't at all teach, not even to innocent kids, for that matter. I seriously disagree with each and every line. Here is the reason -

Machhli jal ki rani hai (fish water of queen is) - how can fish be the queen or king for that matter of water/water bodies? Almost all water bodies are owned by the government and those not belonging to any country, the oceanic resources beyond 200 km of exclusive economic zone do not belong to anyone. I also do not know of any monarchy by fish.
Jeevan uska pani hai (life its water is) - hey, we should be promoting democracy. Each and every fish should have a right to decide what its life should be about.
Haath lagao to dar jaegi (hand putting so frightened becoming) - you know, some pet fish like dolphins, etc do like to be touched and petted. This line is not at all applicable to them,and thus is false. It is also not applicable to sharks and other fish,who,far from being frightened,want to rip your arm off.
Bahar nikalo to mar jaegi (out taking so dead becoming) - since the time period is not given, I do not agree with the statement. Also,flying fish fly out of the water regularly and don't just drop dead when they do.

By the way, no arguments allowed.

Baap Re! Pre-boards aa rahe hain!

20 signs that show that the pre-boards are coming-
1) Nerds start taking leaves.
2) The number of people present are less than half the class's strength.
3) You see people studying during free-periods.
4) Everyone starts worrying the teacher about finishing the syllabus.
5) Everyone has a look in their eye like a sheep has before a butcher.
6) 'Kitna syllabus ho gaya', becomes a FAQ.
7) When refering to the pre-boards,the tense changes from future to immediate future.
8) Syllabuses seem so long,they could fill a telephone directory.
9) Heartless teachers take your P.E./ library/ free periods.
10) You start researching about the current bribe rates.
11) Your parents glare at you whenever you leave your study-table.
12) Your parents suddenly agree that taking off is better than going to school.
13) Every senior becomes a wise-guy imparting knowledge on facing the pre-boards.
14) The pre pre-board horror stories become strangely frightening.
15) Whenever you tell some one you're in tenth they give you the pitiful look that is usually reserved for beggars.
16) 'Just hanging around' becomes one of the most rare things to do.
17) You suddenly envy your juniors.
18) You see a beggar with a placard saying 'the world is going to end soon', and you agree.
19) Completing the syllabus becomes an act as amazing and impossible as living after jumping from a 100 story.
20) You wonder about how pointless school is and why you shouldn't just be an illiterate cabbage farmer in UP - And then you actually find the answer in your eco text-book.

Saat disambar-mera jamndin

The day started with me accidentally squirting my eye with perfume like an idiot and howling in pain. But it wasn't so bad. I didn't spend as much money as i expected as payal (whose birthday is one day after mine,on 8th dec) and i clubbed treats. I paid for the food and she paid for the drinks. Everyone got more than usual and we paid less than usual. And suprisingly,more people,even from other sections remembered my birthday. Not that i mind. The people in my bus sang the birthday song rather drunkedly both times,when going to school and when coming home. On the way back it hurt more as someone remembered about birthdaybumps. Everyone slapped of a dozen times more than sixteen while counting to sixteen. Though noone knew the point of it or how the bumpy tradition of kicking/punching/bumping/slapping started, everyone agreed it was fun.
So much for treating them.

i hate dripping taps. Presently, the flush tank above the toilet is dripping away. It started dripping in fat drops last night, by itself. Since the plumber couldn't come at nine in the night, and we were afraid the dripping would empty out the water tank, my mom tried to do something about it. Now, its water is falling in sheets! The eat slumber came (why are they fat?), stared and stared, and said some new parts had to be bought and left to buy them. The tank is still dripping away. And the worst part is, i hate the sound of dripping water. Its very irritating.
another thing i hate is the sound of people chewing. That loud, chewy noise is terrible. I've threatened many a times to leave the room/put the phone down he the person doesn't stop chewing loudly or eating. Call it dictatorship or anything, but its terribly irritating.