poem

Do you decide
where you are going?
Or like me,
you let yourself
be dragged away by somebody?

Do you face
whatever happens?
Or like me,
you lie hidden
behind lies, for eternity?

Do you cry
when you feel like it?
Or like me,
you hold it in
to escape mockery?

Do you smile
in your sleep?
Or like me,
you try waking
to forget what you see?

Do you delight
in what you did?
Or like me,
you wish it hadn't
gone so badly?

Like me,
do you sleep,
when you wish to wake?
do you laugh,
when you wish to weep?
do you wander,
though you know the way?
do you embrace,
those you wish to murder?

Do you do
what you want?
Or like myself,
don't realise,
the only one stopping me,
is me.

Do you enjoy
all that life brings?
Or like me,
you crawl through it,
though you were born with Fire Wings.

Of nails, swearing and sudden trips

Of nails- I'd been growing my nails for a month and they'd grown very long. No one failed to notice them, though they evoked different reactions in different people, like delight ("oh! They're looking nice..."), disgust ("they're soooo long."), inspiration ("i'm going to grow mine too!"), jealousy ("my nails don't seem to grow at all."), exasperation ("i've told you a dozen times, CUT YOUR NAILS!",that, was my mom), and horror (people sitting next to me while playing Contact were afraid i'd slice their fingers off....).
So- i finally cut my nails last week. (Punya- "what??? You cut them??? You call this cutting??? You can kill someone with those!")
and it turned out to be a good thing that i did, because on wed, i banged one of my nails into the hard, metal back of the bus seat and yelled so loudly that half the bus turned to look.
If they'd been any longer, i swear they'd have snapped into two.
Ouch.


Of swearing- i've started to swear a lot there days ("what the....."fill in the blanks with any appropriate 4 letter word.). God forgive my sins.


Of sudden trips- firstly, i'd like to tell everyone that jahangir and adi are......something that if i wrote here would get me banned from blogger.
A week ago, i had given my name as an "avid reader" from my class, and that was a good thing as on wednesday, the lovely library department people suddenly told up to assemble in the library for a trip to the american library.
Going there was fun. I, sam, prachi, and prerna occupied the last seat while adi, jangu and punya sat on the second last one, and HELL, are they IRRITATING or what?!?!? They completely ate my head with their perverted jokes.
On reaching the center, we were immediately supplied with cookies, appie fizz, and a weird mango-orange combo juice. We attempted to look mannered and dignified as we put on a oh-i-don't-usually-eat-tons-of-free-cookies look, as we helped ourselves.
Then, we were given a lecture on studying in the US, after which we say a bum-oriented documentary about Air Force 1, the US prez's plane. Wondering what i mean by bum-oriented? Well, the documentary had more shots of peoples backsides's than of their faces.
The movie would have been boring if it hadn't been for my and sam's funny commentary which got us choking with laughter and earned us many strange looks. When we came out, we were in one of our hysterical-humorous moods, when we would start laughing at the drop of the..... forget hat, even a pin would do the job.
Unfortunately, we had to look around the extremely-boring-dripping-of-heroism-and-amazing-ness-of-the-US library. Needless to say, i kept giggling for no reason and got scolded by our darling teachers.
The trip back sucked.
A few guys came and occupied the last seat, so i used my head and slipped into the second-last seat. Adi and Punya sat beside me and jangu was left seatless. He and Prerna disappeared somewhere,while sam and prachi sat with the guys, behind us.
I felt like killing adi (i still do now, but not as badly as i wanted to then.....) because he kept pushing punya on top of me and i couldn't sit properly. And his sick jokes didn't make him anymore bearable.
When we got back, the last period had begun, so i bunked it with a couple of more people. We sat around on A block, first floor, watching some 8thies practice a dance sequence for their assembly.
There, i saw written on a wall, "guys are the bigest losers", and some one had written "you bet!". On impulse, i wrote "i agree", and signed. Four more people signed. You can go and sign too, if you want.


And yes, i'm doing this (look below...) only cause rudy hates it.
LIST OF PEOPLE WHO WENT WITH US ON THE TRIP
Me, sam, prachi, mini, prerna, prerna, avantika, sonal, punya, jangu, adi, amrita, isha, vinayak, rudrath, shreya, a weird guy whose name i dunno, naman, divyanshu, anuj, and other people who i know, and more others who i dunno.

Memory

I hate not being able to remember things.
No, i don't have memory loss, its just that i can't recall things.
For eg. I tortured myself for 6 months trying to remember a song of which i remembered just one line- "i just want u to know who i am." i didn't remember anything before or after the line. Not even the tune. I finally found the song on my bros laptop and my soul rested. I'd actually heard that song around 2 yrs ago for the last time....
Then, i was haunted by the line "you love me, but you don't know who i am." i found out the name of the song on the radio.
Nowadays, i can't remember what i'd been thinking about a minute ago. I get lost thinking about something, and when i wake up, i forget about it.
And yes, another line whose song i can't remember- "you can touch, you can play, you can say i'm always yours."
Please help me. Which song is it from?

Devil's Dictionary- B

Here's the second part of my favourites from Devil's Dictionary-


Bacchus- a convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. (guys? remember this one from last year?)

Backbite- to speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

Battle- a method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that wouldn't yield to the tongue.

Beauty- a power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Befriend- to make an ingrate.

Behavior- conduct, as determined not by principle, but by breeding.

Bigot- one who 's obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you don't entertain.

Birth- the first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it, there appears to be no uniformity.
Castor and Pollox (whoever they were) were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea as once a block of stone. Leucumedun was the son of a cavern in Mount Aena, and i myself have seen a man come out of a wine cellar.

Body-snatcher- a robber of grave worms. One who supplies the young physician with that with which the old physician supplies the undertaker. The hyena.

Bore- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Bottle nosed- having a nose created in the image of its maker.

Brandy- a cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified satan.

Bride- a woman with fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Brute- see HUSBAND.

Devil's Dictionary- A

I read a book called The Devil's Dictionary. Its one of the very-amusingly-saying-the-truth books. These are my favourites from 'A'. The rest will soon follow-

Abnormal- not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

Aborigines- persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber;
they fertilize.

Abrupt- sudden, without ceremony. Like the arrival of the cannon-shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it.

Absurdity- a statement or a belief manifestly inconsistent with ones own belief.

Accuse- to affirm anothers guilt or unworth, most commonly as a justification of ourselves having wronged him.

Acquaintance- a person we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight gen object is poor or obscure but intimate when object is rich or famous.

Adder- a species of snake. So called for its habit of adding funeral outlays to other expenses of living.

Admiration- our polite recognition of anothers resemblance to ourselves.

Affliction- an acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

African- a nigger who votes our way.

Ambidextrous- able to pick with equal skill, a right hand or a left hand pocket.

Ambition- an overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Apologize- to lay the foundation for a future offence.

Auctioneer- the man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

The Slaves Of The Cells

Cell phones and their owners are hard to seperate. Like me and my cell.
I was actually suprised when i realised how much i depend on it.
I make calls with it.... And sms too, of course....
I listen to songs on it.
I use it to make quick notes and write down imp stuff, when i don't have a pen, and even when i do....
I take pics with it...
I blog with it...
I google with it...
I check my mail on it...
I surf the web on it (this happens more rarely than the 3 things above, which cannot b included in 'surfing the web' according to me)
I download and read e-books on it...
I play games on it...

Its like the ultimate handy dream machine. And things are going to just get better.
Ppl are getting very dependent on their cells.
And yeah... I almost forgot to mention what inspired me to write this post...
Even my maid has a cell now. I was in my room, when i heard a strange ringtone which certainly wasn't mine and i was wondering what was up... and then i heard my maid going 'hello, haan? Chinto theek hai na?'

The Future etc.

Do u want to know your future?
I don't. And i find those people dumb who want to.
Earlier, when I was a kid, I did wish I could've known the future to prevent mistakes and probs from arising later in life.
Now, I've lost that wish. I think I was dumb to wish that.
Its pathetic. I think the future is governed by your actions now. So if you think before you act, your future will be great.
And even if we suppose that the future is already decided and our life depends on fate, I really don't want to know. It'd take all the fun out of life, to know what will happen.
And for that reason, I even hate all those rashi / number / tare / tarot future-telling shows on the news channels. They don't have any news, so all of them have hired a pundit/tarot lady each to tell ur future 5 times a day.
And people actually watch that.
And even call in.
"Meri shadi kab hogi?" Man, find some other aim in life than to get married or to call pundit ji.
"Mera promotion kab hoga?" When you start working hard rather than calling in like a vela on this show.

Idiots.

Then these ppl even give upayes to get a better future, like,
"raat ko, suraj dhalne ke baad, neem ke ped ke neeche beth kar Gita pado" (wtf???)
or "ketu ko majbut karne ke liye kutte ko shanivar ke din roti aur mithai khilaen"

You can try the above amazing remedies if you want.

Hey Shadab Bhai,
Happy B'day in advance. I suppose everything is fine with u, but u better study hard(er).
I'm in 11th now. Classes started last week. I took science, with bio. Damn, its been a long time since I even talked to u. The boards went well and the results will be out on 27 may. I didn't do a lot, actually, I didn't do anything in the holidays after the boards... I just sat around and watched movies. And yeah, I finally convinced mum n dad to get the DVD player. We got it a few days after the boards.

Everything is k, except that I'm in a class full of NERDS. They study ALL THE TIME. Before the teacher comes, and after the teacher goes, they study all the time. They're crazy. Thankfully, we'll b reshuffled in july.
Also, I'll b coming on TV. I n sam participated in this show for NDTV metronation. You basically were given a topic, camera and 2 days to make a vid. Our topic was Yamuna. Pretty horrible topic, but filming the whole thing was fun.
We even used their cam to make vela vids of us, pretending to b reporters reporting how the country was being terrorized by ppl (most prob. Taliban) who were stealing "bain-per ke jute" (shoes of the right foot)... K, I kno its dumb, but it was very funny too. I'm going to ask those ppl to give us the whole vid, even the things that were edited out (like the taliban vid) on a CD.

So, tell me whats up with u? Tell me abt ur plans for ur b'day too.
And yes, STUDY. I kno u sleep a lot and sleep late. Try studying.

E-mail me quick.

Chao
A, ur sis (duh!)

OMG. OMG.

OMG. I read in the paper that 8% of tampon users in Tamil Nadu are men. I wondered about what the hell they do with it.
Here's a list of what they apparently buy it for, which i googled-

1) To hold hemmaroid suppositories (what the hell does that mean?)

2) They can get toxic shock syndum (whatever that is)

3) Make tampon crafts (to bring menstrual joy to the holidays and fun to daily life) like-
a) string of tampon lights
b) tampon blowguns
c) tampon bandoliers to hold ammo for your gun
d) tampon toupees for receding hairlines
e) tampon cufflinks and neckties

4) Stuff it up your butt (what the hell for? I have no idea)

5) If you like to dress up or behave like women, then.......
Whateva I think its all very disgusting.

ALL PRAISE THE IDIOTS!!!

Announcing the enterprising demises of the 2007 Darwin Award Winners

" Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the father of evolution, the Darwin Awards commemorate those who improve our gene pool by accidentally removing themselves from it. "
This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. THREE independent groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a barn, a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In all cases, the structures collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh! This year brought us 16 jaw-droppping nominees, not counting new nominees for previous years and Near Misses (AKA Honorable Mentions) which I will cover in the next ish.
Enjoy the stories of the winners... and be glad you're not one!

RUNNER UP # FIVE:THE LAPTOP STILL WORKS (Confirmed True by Darwin)
"Driving is not a time to be practicing your multitasking skills," remarked CHP spokesman Tom Marshall, commenting on a 29-year-old computer tutor's decision to drive along Highway 99 in California while working on his laptop. He drifted over the center line, and was killed by oncoming traffic. CHP officers found Oscar's computer still running, plugged into the Honda Accord's cigarette lighter.
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RUNNER UP # FOUR:SUPERIOR MOMENTUM (Confirmed True by Darwin)
June 2007, Illinois Two Valparaiso men tested their reflexes by playing "chicken" with a train. Which man could stay on the rail the longest in the path of an oncoming train? At the stroke of midnight, the contest was decided. The winner, aptly named Patrick Stiff, lost his life. The train continued on, as the conductor was unaware that it had hit anyone.
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RUNNER UP # THREE:BARN DEMOLITION (Unconfirmed by Darwin)
January 2007, West Virginia) Three friends set out to dismantle a dilapidated barn one bracing winter afternoon. Speaking of bracing... One industrious man fired up his chainsaw and ripped through a crucial support post. Carrying the weight of a full barn roof, those wooden support beams were all that stood between the demolition worker and structural collapse. It was all fun and games until the roof, sans support, succumbed to the pull of gravity and flattened the man with the chainsaw. As a consolation prize, the deceased was indeed successful at demolishing the barn.
(Darwin notes, this story is unconfirmed, but no disputes have come to my attention, as usually happens with bogus stories.)

Addendum: This was the year of the Squashed Darwin Award Winner. Two other groups of people attempted to remove the supports from beneath a water tower, and a heavy factory roof. In both cases, the structure collapsed without their aptly-named supports. Duh!

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RUNNER UP # TWO:MOLE HUNT (Confirmed True by Darwin)
January 2007, East Germany One man's extraordinary effort to eradicate a mole from his property resulted in a victory for the mole. The metal rods he pounded into the ground and connected to a high-voltage power line, electrified the very ground the man stood upon. He was found dead at his holiday property on the Baltic Sea. Police had to trip the main circuit breaker before venturing onto the property.

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RUNNER UP # ONE:WHAT GOES UP MUST COME DOWN (Confirmed Double Darwin Award)
June 2007, South Carolina A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old deceased couple laying naked in the road an hour before sunrise. Authorities were baffled. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked vehicles present. But investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. McCants said.

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AND THE 2007 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS...THE ENEMA WITHIN (Confirmed True by Darwin)
May 2004, Texas Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party.
Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!
When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.
The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. Toxicology reports measured his blood alcohol level as 0.47%.
In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.

Check out the site at: http://www.darwinawards.com/